Some Kind of Crazy Love Potion!
by flying metal child
Summary: Prof. Membrane thought he created a pesticide, but when it was tested over the city, the effects were not what anyone expected...especially Dib and Zim, who find themselves in a steamy situation!Chapter 13 reposted due to stupid yuck up :D
1. Oops!

Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim.

A/N: Rated R for sex. Some kind of crazy love potion, I think the title speaks for itself. First I must say, this is intended to be a one-shot, kinda ZADR (love potion people!), but after finishing it, I realized that it could be stretched into something more. If I get reviews asking for a longer story, I will, but otherwise it will stand as is and basically, I'm already stuck between two other stories. So please let me know if this should go on!

**Some Kind of Crazy Love Potion!**

by flying metal child

_In the scaaary labs of Professor Membrane…___

"Simmons! I've done it!" Professor Membrane exclaimed. Simmons looked up from his lab table to see the crazy scientist proudly holding a vial of bubbly red liquid in the air.

"Er, what is it sir?" Simmons asked nervously.

"This vial happens to hold a new POWERFUL pesticide, my dear Simmons, and soon it will be manufactured to get rid of those pesky mosquitoes that carry diseases and such…perfectly safe for humans but DEADLY to _them_!" Membrane struck a pose once more and Simmons went to his computer.

"I'll contact the pesticide people, sir."

"Yes Simmons, you do that, you do that."

**…**

_One week later…and just in time for Dib and Zim's weekly argument…_

"Dib monkey! Dib stink…Dib thingy…Dib HUMAN! Dib gooey earth larvae. Where do you get these names from Zim?!?"

Zim laughed madly outside on the school's front lawn and replied, "You are all of those things monkey boy. So you see, I don't make them up, I'm just observant of your humany gooeyness! Now be gone with you dirt-child!"

Dib shook his head disapprovingly, "Zim, we've known each other for what, five years, don't you think it's about time you grew up and dropped the childish act?"

"Act? I am not acting!" Zim shrieked in Dib's face. Dib was taller than Zim by a few good inches and he relished the fact that Zim had to stand on his toes to reach him. "You are the childish one Dib-human and I--what is that noise?" Dib heard it too, like the sound of plane engines, except multiplied by a hundred. He looked up just in time to see about ten little planes releasing some kind of gas, reddish, maybe pink in color, over the city. In the distance, he could see more planes doing the same thing and soon the sky was blotted red.

"See, you humans _are_ crazy, polluting the air with things!" Zim said suddenly, pointing crazily at the sky.

Snorting at Zim's ridiculous statement, Dib said, "It's not pollution Zim, they're just spraying pesticide. Sometimes bugs carry diseases and they do this sometimes, geez, they did it last year, don't you remember?" Zim began to open his mouth in reply but by then, the pesticide gas had settled to their level, and everyone began to inhale the noxious fumes. Zim began to cough, as did Dib. Several students, who had stuck around to listen to the weekly entertainment that was the Zim versus Dib argument, also began to cough violently. The air was hazy and it watered everyone's eyes, limiting their visibility.

"We need to get inside!" Someone yelled. Dib agreed and somehow, the students and a few wayward street people found their way inside the main hall of the high school. Dib coughed a few more times before his lungs settled. A pretty girl with asthma was sucking madly on her inhaler. Zim had slumped to the floor against some lockers and was madly itching his contacts. _Well, so much for human (and alien) friendly pesticide, _Dib thought, but then he thought, _maybe it wasn't pesticide, maybe it was some kind of government experiment_! He didn't have much time to think further because his head suddenly began to throb with pain. It subsided then it felt like he was floating and everything around him was tinged pink. He looked at Zim, still green, but a pinkish aura surrounded his body. Dib boldly approached the alien.

Zim looked up to see the Dib monkey standing over him. "Zim," Dib said, "do you feel weird?" Weird? Well, his head felt like he'd gone way too fast then stopped suddenly…he was floating…everything was pink…Dib was pink…he looked…good. Zim nodded yes to Dib's question and he looked at the other people, for no particular reason. They were all so vividly pink! They looked good too, but not like Dib. Everyone in the hall had the same feelings of floating and pinkness. Their hearts beat fast and their bodies felt so alive and hungry. The girl with the asthma suddenly crawled over to some boy she didn't even know and put her hands in his hair, touching the softness. They looked at each other for a breathless moment before diving into a deep kiss. No one seemed particularly disturbed by the act going on in front of them…actually it seemed like a pretty good idea!

Dib really, really, REALLY! liked what they were doing and he suddenly jerked Zim off the floor by his tiny arm and drug him into a nearby classroom, locking the door and quickly shutting the blinds. Zim seemed bored and unperturbed that his nemesis had hauled him in here. He scratched his lenses once more before realizing that no one was around, so he promptly abandoned his disguise to the floor. He didn't know why he was alone with the Dib, only that it was a good thing. Dib came up to him and Zim looked up dully.

Zim was so green, and his eyes were so beautiful! Dib put his hand to the green cheek, softest skin he'd ever felt, and with his other hand, pulled the alien waist to his. Neither said a word. Dib held Zim tight and suddenly lunged forward for a passionate kiss. Zim relented and his knees gave way, just as his mouth was giving way to Dib's hot lips and the sweet tongue. Dib relished the deep moans coming from Zim's throat and he crushed the tiny body to him harder, unsatisfied that Zim wasn't screaming his name, or at least naked, or crushed even harder under his body!

Dib's eyes fell on the teacher's desk. Whose room was this anyway? He pulled Zim with him and like in the movies, swept everything off the desk with his hands and lifted his would be lover on top. Zim seemed drunk on something and coyly pushed Dib away, laughing, as the human started to remove Zim's boots.

Dib laughed as Zim's crazed laugh increased. He tugged at the alien's pants and got them off, but that secret area was still covered by his shirt.

Dib groaned and fell to the floor and began to tear his clothes from his body…god he was so hot and sweaty, like a fever had come over him. When he stood up, totally naked, Zim was waiting and Dib removed the rest of his restricting Invader uniform before locking his arms around his lover once more to kiss, their mouths seemingly fused together. Dib trailed his mouth down the green neck, savoring the sweet, hot skin like candy. He moved further down to his chest, to his flat belly, to the place between his legs…oh…what's this?

Dib poked at Zim's private area which was a tightly sealed slit, almost like a human female, but Dib didn't know what lay behind those seductive folds of skin. Zim remained seated on the desk while Dib stood between his legs, prodding at his genitals. He rather liked the feel of Dib's fingers, and he ran his own hands through Dib's silky hair in pleasure.

"Dib," Zim said breathlessly with a sigh. Dib had forced open the slit to find something wonderfully strange. The inside was a deep red, like the inside of Zim's mouth and there appeared to be an opening, like a vagina, but above that, another tight slit…no clitoris. Hmm, Dib knew his human anatomy but what was that second sealed opening? No matter, he had his hole, to be crude. Dib smiled evilly and hopped on the table and crushed Zim under his weight. Zim didn't mind that his back was slightly arched due to the pak, it didn't matter, Dib was on top of him, suddenly piercing his virgin body with his human organ, so astonishingly large and hard and _oh god the pain_ and the ecstasy of losing himself to Dib's merciless rhythm.

Zim squeezed his eyes shut. The Dib was hurting him, he knew it in the back of his mind, but his body craved more of the push and pull and the crazy amount of leaking fluids coming from his own body. Blood, his seedless semen definitely. Dib pounded so hard that the desk moved a few times, but Zim remained silent while relishing the gratifying pain. It wouldn't subside, no…something _was_ giving way…the friction was building…something was burning…he was screaming.

Dib released as Zim screamed an unintelligible word. Had it been his name?

They were both satisfied, Dib more than Zim, who was breathless from Dib's beating, but he didn't have sense of mind to say anything negative to his human. Dib looked down at Zim, who gazed back up tiredly. Dib couldn't imagine how much affection he had for this alien right now! He kissed Zim softly a few times and his desire expanded not only to his body, but to his mind. The warmth in his heart grew with each inhalation of the green sweating skin and each blink of his red eyes sent him reeling in love…love.

"I love you Zim," Dib whispered as he kissed Zim's cheek. But Zim didn't say anything back, he just lay there, seemingly emotionless. It didn't bother Dib, though, because he knew that Zim felt something deep inside, love maybe, or maybe it was better and more profound than any human emotion.

Zim found one of Dib's hands and slid it into his own. _This hand was his hand_…Zim drifted off into a dreamless sleep with Dib following him into slumber.

**…**

_A few days later…_

Dib recalled that strange day. He woke up with a terrible headache and everything was blurry, even though he had his glasses on. Something warm was next to him and that something was good, but he had to get up. Where were his clothes? He found them on the floor and dressed immediately.

Where was that warm thing again? Where? WHERE?!? Oh god he couldn't find it! He stumbled towards the door, fumbled at the lock…he was in the high school's hall…fresh air…people in the hall, naked…outside…fire…smoke…

_Zim_.

Dib sat at his computer and typed every crazy thing he could remember about that day, which everyone called the "Pesticide Disaster!" Disaster it was, and Prof. Membrane thought it was the end of his career because his pesticide had turned out to be some kind of crazy love potion. The effects of stuff, initially, had caused some car crashes and some errant fires, but no one had been seriously injured. Membrane had the chemical destroyed immediately, despite Dib's protests to study the stuff. Think of the money you could make selling it to perfume companies! Well, that was just an idea.

Right now Dib tried to remember what exactly had happened between him and Zim. He definitely knew that they had had sex. The very thought of it made him squeamish, not only because it had been Zim, but because Zim had made him feel good feelings and that made him very uncomfortable.

_He's an alien Invader_! Dib screamed inside his head. _He's rude, an ass, a jerk…how many more names can I come up with_?!?

The most disturbing thing though, was that he could remember some of the act itself. The undressing. Zim's throaty and sensual laugher. So warm and so good.

And so gone. The next day at school, Dib and Zim could barely look at each other. _How much does Zim remember_? Dib asked, but, he couldn't ask Zim, besides, he knew by Zim's unusually timid behavior that he remembered something. Dib sighed and shut off his computer.

Time for bed. Dib drifted off to sleep, hopefully not to dream of his _lover_. He shut his eyes in that blissful state right before sleep hits the body and mind.

_"I love you Zim…" _

**…**


	2. Dib's freakin' crazy!

A/N: Well, here it is, another chapter to this supposed one-shot story (courtesy of lies-d!) I almost freaked out when I came to update because it seemed ff.net had cut off the end of my first chapter, when just the day before, it was fine! I looked again and well, it was back to normal and sorry to anyone who got an email or read my post at IZSlash! I apologize for the short chapter

**Some Kind of Crazy Love Potion!**

Chapter 2

"Dad?" Dib whispered. He peered down the lighted stairs into the house's basement lab. Membrane said he would work at home today, but apparently, he had opted to go into the city. Dib grinned and raced down the stairs and immediately began searching for the mysterious "love potion" that his dad had concocted and released on the city only weeks ago.

Dib sifted through everything and looked frantically for the word "pesticide," yet nothing appeared. He knew his dad too well…he may have gotten rid of the actual stuff, but the formula, the essence, would still be stored somewhere just in case.

While many people had forgotten about that horrible day weeks ago, Dib hadn't. The image of Zim on a teacher's desk haunted him daily and he could still smell and taste his green flesh. It was disgusting to think about now, but Dib remembered feeling good about those things and he wanted to know exactly what was in that love potion. BUT!!! That wasn't the only reason! Dib had an idea this particular morning and it just happened to involve the potion and the fact he had yet to capture his alien! That goes without saying, Zim hadn't done anything significant in a long time, but Dib wanted to know what the sneaky guy was actually doing.

Probably something, probably nothing, but Dib knew Zim to be determined in the worst kind of way and he would never give up his dreams of invading the earth.

_If I were Dad_, Dib thought, _and a freakish pesticide's formula gone wrong, where would I be_? It wasn't in the lab. The only place it could be--safely hidden from his colleagues that is--would be his dad's bedroom! Dib raced upstairs to his dad's austere room, white all over and mostly unused, and quickly found a disk labeled: Pesticide #456. It was dated recently and upon sticking it in his computer, Dib found that it was indeed, the formula to the pesticide. The disk even had paperwork with the company buying the stuff.

The formula itself was not particularly complicated…but how had it gone so wrong? There were no notes to indicate the Professor had tried to correct his mistake, rather, this disk seemed a formal and final edit of the recipe. Dib looked at the ingredients once more. There was a total of sixty-eight fluid solutions. Dib shook his in confusion. He was smart, but some of these things even he didn't recognize. What was glucomine bihydroxide?

_If…if I could get these things, I could make some of this stuff and use it on Zim! He would be totally helpless_! One thing Dib distinctly remembered about that day was the total sense of abandon and freedom. He still couldn't fathom how his body would abandon itself to Zim, but it had happened, and maybe this stuff could loosen Zim's secretive lips a little.

Dib copied the disk and returned the original to his dad's room. As he walked downstairs to get a snack and watch some Saturday afternoon re-runs of Mysterious Mysteries, he pondered the hardest part of his plan. How would he get the ingredients? He wouldn't need much, just enough for Zim to inhale, and maybe some to test, just in case he got the mixture wrong. Dib frowned and tore into his sandwich just as his favorite show was beginning.

**…**

Another day at school. Another day of awkwardness between Dib and Zim. Why did no one else seem to have this problem? Had they not been infected by the mad scientist's designs? Apparently not.

Zim's heart raced every time Dib came into his view. He was incredibly afraid that the Dib would say something or _do_ something! He actually remembered much from that horrible day. Pain. Confusion. Nothing good…no…something was good, but the pain between his legs had clouded any positive feelings about Dib and by the time the wounds of Dib's rape had subsided, Zim had already made up his mind about what had happened. No, nothing good had happened at all!

Zim was so angry and ashamed. Angry because he had let it happen and ashamed because it _had_ happened. He was a soldier, well, former soldier. He was a virgin, and he had intended to be so forever! He was not to be touched EVER! Zim felt betrayed by the body he had schooled. All the physical emotions he had repressed for years had become lost to him, so how was he to feel when everything came flooding back in one fell swoop? What had his commanders and teachers taught him? These things are not for soldiers…soldiers cannot be distracted by this and that…we will teach you to forget your bodies…remember that duty and honor will be your only concerns…your only loves.

Duty and honor were extremely important to Zim, and they were even more so after the Tallests had abandoned him on this forsaken planet. He still had to be strong in his convictions, even if his loyalty had failed and destroyed him. His blindness to everything bad had been his downfall, and even now, hope was safe in his mind because he had his convictions! His passion had not been crushed!

Zim's passion for stuff still burned, but when Dib walked in the classroom, Zim slumped in his chair nervously.

_Yep_, Dib thought as he made his way across the room, _Zim's__ still really uncomfortable. I have never seen him this shy before_! Dib sat just as the bell rang. He barely paid attention to the teacher as he droned on about American history, instead, he devised a plan to get his ingredients. His dad was all over the place, all the time…no one would notice if he ordered materials here and there, a little at a time! Membrane used so many chemicals a day it was insane! And Simmons, his personal assistant, kept up with invoices on his computer…easily hacked into, Dib believed, and there, Dib believed he could order his ingredients a few at a time.

The bill would go straight to his dad and Simmons would be none the wiser.

Dib grinned to himself. If this worked, he might be able to get Zim within a month or so, depending on his chemist abilities, which by the way, were pretty damn good!****

**…**


	3. Where's the love?

Finally, the next chapter. Please read and review!

****

**Some Kind of Crazy Love Potion!**

Chapter 3

Dib smiled happily as he beheld the fruit of his toils. Okay, so that sounds a little corny, but Dib worked really, really hard for a month to create the failed pesticide that would help him defeat Zim!

He had made approximately three gallons of the stuff and poured some of it in special aerosol canisters, like spray paint cans, only fancier and more scientificy looking! Dib had yet to test the stuff though, but he was certain that it would work because he had followed the directions exactly. Now it was time for the true test.

Between lab work, Dib had watched Zim carefully for any signs that the Invader was suspicious or something, and despite the fact that Zim did absolutely nothing for that month he had watched him, Dib still vowed to follow through with his plans. He even decided to capture Zim after he interrogated him because he was sure to be totally out of it. He waited for the weekend to come…he waited some more…man, the waiting!

Okay, the weekend. Dib gently took some aerosol cans of the formula and tucked them safely in his bag along with some rope, handcuffs, more rope, some cameras, plenty of film, oh, and let's not forget his handy video camera which he would use to tape Zim's deepest secrets! Dib looked around his room…where was that last thing…the clear plastic tubing! He stuck this in his bag with some more stuff he was sure to need. Satisfied that he had all his equipment, Dib grinned at his own cleverness and raced for Zim's house. He got to the door and was unexpectedly greeted by Gir, who seemed to be leaving the house in his doggy disguise.

"Hi!" Gir greeted.

"Um, hi Gir, is Zim here?" Gir thought for a moment.

"Wait, wait, I know this…" he stuck his little puppy paw in the air. "Oh no."

"What is it?"

"Nope. He ain't here pa!

"Where is he then?" Gir looked around suspiciously and motioned Dib to come closer.

He whispered in Dib's ear, "He's in spaaaaaaace." The dog laughed insanely before running off and disappearing. So much for his tour guide. Dib entered the house, Gir left the door open by the way, and tried to remember exactly where the teleporters to Zim's space station was. He assumed that's what Gir meant by "Spaaaaaaace!" The living room was dark and warm, inviting Dib to sit on the sofa.

"Computer?" he asked, it was worth a shot.

"Yeah, big-headed dude…what's up?" Dib growled at the statement but didn't bother arguing because the computer had acknowledged him!

"How do I get to the space station?" he asked and before he knew it, the sofa popped forward to reveal an elevator. The computer told him to go all the way down and take the third teleporter from the left. Dib did as he was told and found himself in a room that he definitely knew. Gaz had saved him and they had played chase with Zim after she got him out of that stupid experimenting pod thing! Dib cautiously looked around for Zim and he was very aware that the computer may have told Zim he was coming, but Zim's stuff was so stupid anyway…

An open door nearby revealed a hall and several doors. Dib didn't really know where he was going, but he went down the hall anyway, as he let his instincts lead the way. The hall was long and dimly lit and none of the doors were open. When he got to the end of the hall, something in Dib's gut said, _I'll never find him_…but quite suddenly he heard a noise from one of the rooms. He walked to the door and put an ear against the metal…definitely a voice…loud and obnoxious…Zim! Dib quietly set his bag by the door and pulled out a neat wire thin camera scope that he threaded under the door. A little screen on his laptop revealed Zim sitting at the far end of the room in front of several large screens. He was saying, yelling rather, at the screens and whatever was written on them.

Dib couldn't imagine a more perfect situation! He pulled out the clear plastic tubing and affixed it to one of the aerosol cans and looked at the image on his computer as he threaded this tube under the door and towards Zim. Stopping about three feet away, Dib pressed the release valve on the can (remember this is an advanced aerosol can!) and the pinkish gas was quickly forced through the tube and into the air around Zim. The alien was totally clueless to the stuff gathering quickly under his feet, but it was expected that he smell the noxious fumes. Dib saw how clouded the room was getting and quickly strapped on his gas mask.

Dib continued to watch the monitor as Zim hopped out of his chair, finally noticing the smoke and the tube leading out of the room…but it was too late. By the time he told the computer to vent the room, and by the time Zim made it to the door, he had inhaled too much to reverse the effects. Zim opened the door and was not stunned to see Dib, but man was he pissed! Dib grinned under his mask and jumped to his feet to face his nemesis.

"DIB!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!? COMPUTER! INTRU--" Dib knocked Zim over and caused him to spasm into heaving coughs as the gas became absorbed into his lungs and body. Zim looked up and backed away, seemingly frightened behind the angry look on his face.

"I finally have you Zim! Now all your secrets will be mine!" Dib's voice was menacing and husky behind the mask.

"What did you do to me you filthy monster," Zim said hoarsely. He was feeling feverish…pink…pinkness. And the pounding in his brain! It was amazing!

"You remember my dad's pesticide, well, now I'm using it to get to you!" Dib laughed and pulled off his gas mask as the computer sucked the last of the gas into nothingness. He grabbed his stuff by the door and pulled out the rope, approaching Zim very carefully, as he might have some fight left in him, but Zim was feeling the effects of the gas and his mind became wobbly.

Yet, through the haze, he remembered what had happened last time. Dib grinding him hard and the pain…Zim gasped for air and backed away from Dib's rope as fast as he could, but something compelled him to go to Dib. His body was being saturated with desire and he wanted it to be satisfied by Dib…NO!!! Remember the pain and the shame….

"No," Zim said softly, "don't hurt me again. It hurt. Don't do it Dib-human," Zim pleaded before Dib pounced on him, quickly tying his arms behind him. Dib looked at the pak, waiting for the spider legs to come, but Zim had forgotten about them. He thrashed under Dib's weight and cried out in terror.

"NO!!! DON'T TOUCH ME SLIME CREATURE NOOOOOOOOOOO!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!" Zim shrieked so loudly that Dib thought his eardrums would burst.

"SHUT UP!" Dib yelled as he pulled Zim to the nearest chair and tied him to it. Zim sat there, suddenly still, as Dib used all the rope to tie him down tightly. He got his video camera and sat in another chair, admiring his prize, so docile now. The gas had worked, but Dib was slightly embarrassed by Zim's confession of pain the first time the gas had been used. He figured that the alien had been a virgin, and certainly it would hurt the way they had done the deed. The only thing that bothered Dib was that Zim thought he was here to do it again, well, he wasn't and he would definitely clear it up with Zim later.

Dib cringed when he looked at Zim's lidded eyes and he almost felt remorseful…but he had to remember…_It wasn't my fault_!

Trying to focus on his task, Dib turned the camera on and set it on the console in front of him so that it was facing Zim. The alien was breathing heavily now and looking at him strangely. His red eyes were wide with hunger for the human…

"Alright Zim," Dib said, "tell me some stuff. What are you planning to do? Huh? What's your next plan to take over _my_ planet?" Zim smiled stupidly and moaned as he relaxed in the chair. Actually, he was going pretty limp and his head lolled to one side and the rest of his body slumped as much as it could, being tied down and all. Dib repeated his question again…more questions…and some more…but Zim just licked his lips and seemed truly apathetic to everything, well, everything that besides Dib.

"Aw man," Dib whined as he rewound his basically unused interrogation tape. He looked at Zim on the camera's tiny monitor. Going backwards and doing nothing.

"Mmmm," Zim moaned again and shifted in his chair, "Dib?" Dib quickly propped the camera on the console, pushed record again, and turned back to his hostage.

"Yeah, Zim?" he said excitedly, "come on, tell me something useful this time." Zim eyes seemed to focus suddenly, as he glared dangerously at Dib, and for a brief moment, Dib thought Zim had come out of the pesticide's haze, but the alien grinned and said in a low whisper, "I want you, Dib."

"Take me!" he said quickly, with more vigor. Dib silently watched his red eyes go from lustful to angry to panicked as he struggled to get out of his restricting bonds, all to get to Dib. "I thought you said you loved me Dib-human!" Zim cried. "Love me again, I promise I won't betray you like I've been betrayed! Please, please, please…" Zim's body shook with painful sobs, tears rolled down his green cheeks, much to Dib's amazement.

"What do you mean by betrayed? Who betrayed you Zim?" Zim's head fell to his chest and he cried loudly, the sound wrenched Dib's heart. The pesticide brought out the most heightened form of emotions in Zim…passion, anger, and pain…he felt the lust in his body, between his legs and just all over, but with that horrible pleasure came inevitable pain. Why did they have to chase each other like that? Why can't we just feel good without the bad? Zim couldn't understand why the boy wasn't giving him pleasure, giving him _his_ due.

"Please don't hurt me Dib-human." Zim said through heaving sobs. "Do you still…love me?" he asked quietly as he looked up. Dib found it hard to look at his tear-stained face and the puffiness under his eyes. His lips were pouty and he pleaded with Dib to answer his question.

"Sure, Zim," Dib said uncomfortably. He just didn't understand. He thought the pesticide would make Zim more vulnerable to his questions, but it had made moody as hell, not to mention horny (well, that was expected). And what was up with the love? The betrayal???

Dib wasn't sure.

The video camera recorded on...

**…**


	4. Bathroom confessions

Wow, months later, she updates! Slowly but surely it is getting done. Don't expect any updates soon or any particular update on any story. I'm just working on each story as it comes to me, though, I would like to finish this one first. I appreciate reviews, and in this case, flames, for having such a horrible updating habit.

"Bathroom Confessions"

Chapter 4

Dib gave up and stopped watching the tape. Nothing, absolutely nothing. Zim hadn't done anything remarkable, except cry and bitch about not getting any "lovin'" as he called it. Dib rewound the tape for later use and turned off the TV, turning casually in his swivel chair to look at his capture. Zim was still unconscious on _his _bed, his arms and legs tightly bound. On the floor were various tools Dib used to pry open Zim's obnoxious pak and pull out the deadly spider legs. Gaz had barged in on that little operation and demanded that Dib hand them over because they were "neat" and would add a nice touch to her strange bedroom.

Dib wished that he had a more private place to put Zim, but his dad's lab was only so big, and keeping an alien specimen a secret down there wouldn't last long. His room would have to do , that is, until he really decided what he wanted to do with Zim, but for now, Dib was content to observe the alien on his own time. Dib knew that once the Swollen Eyeballs, or any other government group had their fingers on Zim, he would not be allowed access.

He was too young, and not a doctor, and he definintely had no training in slicing up aliens for sure! Dib wanted to believe that he could be involved in whatever alien-probing went on, but as time passed and he became more aware of his own ignorance, he knew that he would have to at least get a medical degree before anyone would hand him a scalpel. That was fine. He would get his degree. He would do anything to stop Zim's stupid people from taking over the planet.

But he wasn't sure that would ever happen. The worst case scenario would be Zim actually taking over the planet, but in the time he had been on earth, Dib had only seen Tak, and she had only come to take revenge on Zim _by _taking over the planet. If Zim was so magnificent, _which he wasn't_, Dib added, then where were all the other aliens come to help him, or at least take over his invading job?

Dib stood and quietly observed Zim, taking careful note of how harmless he looked laying on his side, his mouth partially open...soft, even breaths came from his hidden alien lungs. His fragile looking antennae twitched a little, an unconscious response to an unknown stimuli. Dib had already taken several pictures of him sleeping, and he looked forward to his awakening. Something akin to giddiness bubbled up in Dib's stomach when Zim shifted a little, his arms tugging involunatarily against the bonds and his legs, wrapped in black fabric, jerked and betrayed shaped legs from years of training. Dib poked one of his thighs and then gave it an innocent squeeze just to feel the taut muscle. Man, was Zim in shape! He wondered then, how it was that someone who was so physically able could be so mentally disabled. I guess Dib had gotten the short end of the stick when it came to the body, as he was pretty sure Zim could kick his ass any day, but he prided himself on his brains and knew that when push came to shove, he'd win with his grey matter.

Just as Dib was considering joining a gym, he heard a soft cough and a then another, followed by a gasp of surprise.

Dib took his head out of the clouds and saw Zim staring squarely at him. He hadn't registered where he was, but Dib didn't know that, and he took Zim's new complexion to be that of pure piss-in-your-pants fear. Zim's skin had drained considerably and was so pale that he looked like someone had poked a hole in a precious artery or something. Well, there was no blood spurting anywhere, so, _Zim's just scared as hell_, Dib thought.

Zim, pale, finally getting where he was, gave Dib a stern look and said, "I think I'm going to be sick, Dib-human." Dib's face fell.

"Uh...wha...what?" he said.

"I'm going to be sick," Zim repeated faintly.

"You mean like sick-sick? Throw-up, vomit sick?" Zim nodded, trying to squash the horrible nausea that hit him as soon as he became conscience.

"Oh, oh, NO! um, ok...don't be sick! Wait!" Dib, after wonderfully articulating the situation and understanding why Zim looked like death, hastily undid Zim's bonds (not the ones tying his limbs, just the ones tying him to the bed) and rushed him gently, but awkwardly, to the bathroom, positioned him over a toilet, despite Zim's disgusted protest, and watched him curiously.

Bound hand and foot, Zim was like a little green bomb that could go off at any moment.

Zim, for his part, really, really didn't want to throw up, especially in front of the Dib. He didn't want to throw up at all, and _honestly_, in his long life, he had never felt _this_ sick, though he had thrown up before, Gir being the sole cause of many of those incidents.

He closed his eyes and tried to steady his nerves, but _it _just wanted to come up. Dib knew the feeling of not really wanting to throw up but at the same time wanting to, just to relieve the body's desire. He saw it on Zim's worried face and felt a little sympathy, only a little, but then he remembered how stupidly stubborn Zim was...they could be here all day! (Even though it was actually more like 11 pm, so, all night then!)

Dib said, with amusement, "Just let it go Zim, you'll feel better."

"How can being sick feel better?" Zim asked miserably. By this time, Zim would have tried to escape, but he had already tried to call out his spider-legs, despite blinding sickness. They wouldn't come...damn human...so he pretended to not notice, or care.

"Because you're getting rid of the sickness, duh. What, you've never thrown up before?" Dib laughed. He didn't believe no one had _not _ever been sick.

Zim moaned sickly in reply, and in his thoughts he blamed Dib for this feeling…this would only happen because of a certain big-headed fool was such a...fool! This was all the Dib's fault, for sure, Zim thought. And in actuality, it was. The pesticide/love gas had made Zim's sqeedily spooch overwork as it tried to purify the toxin in his lungs and his blood. His body had one super organ (though there were others) and if one part became infected, so did the rest. It makes for a bad biological design really, but it worked for the long-lived Irkens.

So, here was Zim and his sick sqeedily spooch. Dib sat on the edge of the tub as he watched Zim try to avoid his stare. The alien didn't want to look at the nasty toilet or the acidy water or the toilet paper or the locked door or anything, let alone Dib!

"This is your fault Dib-worm," Zim mumbled, "You and your stupid experiments. So what did you do to me while you had me under?" Zim imagined suddenly, what had happened, what he had thought. Dib too, suddenly remembered what had brought them to this bathroom and this situation. He remembered Zim's accusing words; he held up his hands defensively.

"I didn't hurt you, Zim. I only touched you to tie you up." Dib bit his lip and looked away, hoping that this converstation would always be a distant one. He never really imagined having to talk to the alien about what had happened, or why they would even need to, but for both of them, it would satisfy a rather morbid curiosity about how things had felt and what emotions, such anger and humiliation, namely for Zim, had coursed through their minds since that day.

Dib hesitated after Zim's simple red eyes lingered too long on his. The courage swelled back up though, and he said softly, "We should talk about what happened that day, Zim."

"Why?" Zim asked.

"Because we need to...to...to get back to where we were!"

"We didn't go anywhere Dib-human; we're the same as we've always been."

"But we have this thing hanging over our heads, and I know it bothers you too because I've watched you since that day and you're not the same." Dib paused and sucked in his breath and said angrily, "My dad doesn't think sometimes, and look what happened. The city became one big orgy." Dib snickered at that while at the same time trying to judge Zim's reaction to the beginning of this dialogue. He didn't seem interested.

"For what it's worth Zim, I didn't get anything out of you...just now I mean. You didn't say anything, well, you said some _weird _stuff, but it was just babbling." That piqued Zim's interest.

"What did I say?" he asked, noticing suddenly that the nausea was washing away.

"Something about betrayal. It didn't make any sense." Dib shrugged, cautiously leaving out the fact that Zim had asked him if he loved him. Zim had paled again, so terribly fearful that he had betrayed himself to Dib's confidence. His betrayal by the Tallests, the most valuable thing that he held to himself now, came so close to being Dib's toy. He would have hung it over his head by a string, taunting and maiming what was left of his dignity.

But, Dib hadn't heard the whole story, yet he was wondering what it was all about, and he added more, "What is that about Zim? Were you betrayed by someone?"

"No, never. Don't be stupid Dib, I just...I was just babbling, like you said." Breathing was difficult under Dib's scrutinizing stare.

"Well," Dib accepted the obviously nervous lie, "okay, Zim. Listen, just to set things straight, I don't want there to be any misunderstandings about everything that's happened alright? That day was not pleasant for me. I mean, you know that it was just my dad's fucking pesticide. God he doesn't think! What if someone got pregnant because of that? You remember those people in the hall...girls and guys! I'm glad that you didn't..." Dib shut up suddenly.

"Glad I didn't what?"

"Oh," Dib coughed, "I'm, I mean we, were fortunate...you didn't get pregnant or something." Dib laughed nervously at the stupidity of the statement. Zim understood though, considering that Dib was a human--perhaps he thought that what had happened in the _fashion _it had happened, then maybe something like pregancy could occur.

"I cannot bear children Dib-human, and I'm not a female," Zim added for good measure. Dib was surprised Zim told him anything about his body, but he was even more surprised that Zim was participating in the discussion, but Dib figured he would have to lead Zim in further….he wanted to know intimate details and to know them from Zim's mouth.

"I know you're not a girl, Zim. I assumed that's just how your species is made, I guess, and I didn't think too much of it really, you know, simply accepting you for who you were that day." Dib paused a moment to get his words right. He closed his eyes and felt the plastic bathtub under his gripping fingers.

"I could tell that I hurt you, even while it was happening." Zim turned his eyes to Dib's just now opening ones. What was he trying to say?

"I didn't mean to, even though I had wanted to hurt you before, lots of times, but not that way. Was it...was _that _your first time?" Zim swallowed and wanted to be sick again, but the sickness was passing away quickly, and he didn't have any excuse to keep his face towards the toilet now. Oh god he didn't want to answer that question. He nodded yes instead, finding his mouth suddenly too dry to speak. Of course, Dib knew it had been his first time. He could remember the vivid detail of the virgin passage, impossibly tight and sealed off a little in. It was broken quickly with some good hard thrusts of passion. He remembered the painful cries that were conflictingly mixed with pleasured moans and kisses.

Through the haze of memory, Dib felt the pleasure. Zim had been something good and sweet, and he had conquered his virgin body by simply laying on the desk and taking the innocent beating.

Dib could only say, "I'm sorry," very meekly. Zim didn't want to be in this place anymore. His sickness was gone. All his memories were not laced with something significant like Dib's. He verged on tears that didn't make sense. Why should he cry?"

Because. "You took something from me Dib," Zim said hoarsely, "and you don't care." Dib squinted questioningly. "I don't understand, what did I take Zim?"

Prideful to the last, Zim stuck up his face and glared hatefully at his so-called enemy, "You don't care what you did to me because it didn't hurt you. Don't try to justify anything you did and don't apologize to me. It didn't mean anything to either of us..."

"No!" Dib stood and without room to pace, he just stood, "It did mean something to me. I have that memory and that's good enough. It doesn't matter to me that I lost my _virginity_," he hissed the word, "but it _does _matter that I lost it to you! It means something to me that I hurt you and that we didn't feel anything from it! Would it have been better to have felt something so incredibly good, Zim, no pain or anything to hold us back, rather than this? For me, it felt good, but only at that time. We weren't given a choice Zim, and that's why I'm sorry. I can't apologize for hurting you when I want to, but I damn well can when I couldn't help it."

Zim looked Dib in the eye when he knelt at his side by the toilet. "Are you still sick?"

"No," Zim replied. "What are you going to do with me?" he whispered.

"I don't know yet." Dib smiled and said, "I thought you would have tried to get out by now."

"How can I when you stole my spider legs?" Zim spat. Dib grinned even more, he seemed so happy, despite the fresh conversation, the words of which were too fresh to make any real impression on Zim. Zim didn't want to see or feel anything right now.

Dib led Zim back to his room and tied him even tighter to the bed. Zim didn't struggle and he was pliable as clay.

Dib had to remember what he had said. Had he really confessed to Zim that their union had felt good at the time, while at the same time believing that it hadn't been good at all? Maybe that was the contradictory language of their relationship.

Zim was drowsy again and he succumbed to sleep quickly. He was so peaceful now and Dib couldn't help but feel a powerful emotion that was both good and bad. He could feel it in his gut and it repulsed him, yet drew him to Zim's side to watch him sleep.

Contradictory. Dib didn't know if he could turn Zim over to anyone. He was his alien, his belonging. He had lost his virginity to this green creature and he owed the best experiences of his life to him. In any other world, Dib would say he...no, he couldn't say that yet. Zim had already said...

Dib hadn't thrown that in his face after all. He could have asked, "So, Zim, you love me still?" Zim wouldn't know what it meant anyway, after all, they were just words without meaning.

---

tbc...


	5. Vomit!

**A/N:** Hello all! I appreciate everyone's patience (or lack thereof P) but now that this semester is winding down and my term papers are officially complete, I will _hopefully_ have more time to write and update. I'm currently working on a new story, and why? I got distracted, even though I have unfinished ones…what is wrong with me?!?

Anywho, I think this is the longest a/n I've ever written. Expect an update soon on either _Ghost_ or _In the Grey_—their next chapters are almost done.

**…**

Chapter 5

"Eww...vomit!"

**…**

Zim was still tied to the bed, and had been, for a while now. Dib spent the night on the floor, sleeping so soundly that he probably wouldn't have heard Zim escape, not that he could. He bound Zim even tighter before going to bed and he was gagged to the nines so that his annoying voice wouldn't wake the dead.

Zim really wasn't aware of this...really. He had fallen asleep after shaking off the sickness in the bathroom, and he had been in a half-waking state ever since then. Sleep would come and then a minute later, he would be awake, or so he thought. Visions of stuff swam in his brain and he saw Dib's head more than once. Of course, the Dib-vision was simply Dib leaning over him. Dib was wondering what the hell was wrong with the alien. He had never seen Zim sleeping, and it didn't seem like a peaceful slumber for sure.

After a few hours, Dib was satisfied that Zim was still a little sick and he fell to sleep himself, hoping that Zim wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night and throw up all over his bed.

At six o'clock, the alarm rang. Its incessant _beep-beep-beep_ woke both boys, and both had to reorient themselves to the situation. Dib yawned and casually rolled up his pallet, made exclusively out of his comforter, and threw it at the foot of the bed where it landed on Zim's feet.

Yes. Dib _did_ scold himself for giving Zim the bed while he had the floor.

Zim stared back at him, realizing that he was gagged. He wasn't about to wiggle around and make muffled sounds at the Dib and making himself look foolish. Instead, he would wait for the human to make the first move. Last night, they had established something intimate by at least trying to talk about their encounter, as it were, so Zim knew that Dib, the sneaky creature that he was, would use that as a base to make him talk even more. But

Zim promised himself that he wasn't going to fall for any nice words the human might have.

He had nothing else to do right now but accept this situation.

Dib was looking at Zim and Zim was looking at Dib, and strangely, the first question that popped into Dib's brain was, "What day is it?" He answered himself, "Saturday!"

Dib had forgotten to turn his alarm off so he could sleep in. Dib sighed and turned his attention back to Zim.

"Well…I guess I really don't know what to do with you now." Dib sat on the bed, and Zim's body sank in the direction of Dib's weight on the mattress. Dib looped his fingers under the gag and tugged teasingly. Zim growled as Dib finally removed the restriction.

"Let me go Dib!" Zim spat immediately. "Don't think _you_ can keep me here human," he sneered.

"Okay. Then go." Dib looked at his door.

"I don't see you trying to go, Zim," Dib mocked playfully. Zim scrunched up his face in the most contemptuous manner, like he'd seen something disgusting or some horrible act that he condemned, but he didn't say anything. He didn't move either. _Remember_, he doesn't want to look foolish in front of Dib! It was so tempting to test the bonds though.

Zim regretted his stupid sickness and being out of it during the night—he would have tried his best to get out. For a moment, the fear of being caught hit him. Dib didn't know that he wasn't an Invader, maybe he could tell just a little...

But, Dib would get suspicious. He would want to know more and more and MORE!!!

Dib watched Zim's face turn from anger to placid contemplation.

Zim turned to Dib, "You'll never take me alive human!"

"Ha, Zim, I don't think they'll care if you're alive or dead. I'm going to get some breakfast. Want anything?" Dib snickered as he redid the gag, not giving Zim a chance to reply. Of course, he would have said no to Dib's breakfasty offer.

Dib left the room, only giving Zim a spiteful backwards glace as he shut the door behind him. Dib crept down the quiet hall to the stairs. No one would be up at this hour, except for his dad, who was probably in his lab downtown. He sometimes stayed there several nights in a row.

The kitchen floor was cool beneath his feet, and the icy orange juice straight from the fridge sent a chill through him. He lingered in the room for a moment, then, he wandered into the living room and turned on the television to catch a few minutes of the early news. He didn't worry about Zim upstairs. He was confident that the alien was captured. That was the end of it.

There wouldn't be anymore Zim. There wouldn't be anymore of this..._thing_....that they had together. Whatever it was, it was gone. Dib turned off the TV, not having paid attention to it anyway, and slowly walked upstairs. His mind was not flooded with images of the past--images of him and Zim doing stuff and battling for the planet, rather, he only saw the future, and did not look on the past in any sentimental way. Those times were a means to an end, and here...here was the blissful end.

The end was all that really mattered. Dib didn't feel selfish at all.

But he did feel bad.

Zim might be out of his hands soon. Might. He still didn't know what he was actually going to do with him now that he was his. Maybe Dib had become too possessive with the alien, but as he had thought earlier, if Zim was turned over to any authority, access would be cut. Even though the Swollen Eyeballs knew he had been working on this case for a long time, when it came down to it, his dad would probably get the credit and the world would laud the professor's humanitarian efforts.

He could see it now...

Dib was at his door.

Oh. It was open. _But…I shut this door behind me. _Dib swallowed as a gush of butterflies swam in his stomach. His bed was empty. He hesitated crossing the threshold of his room, but he pushed himself in cautiously. At first glance, the room seemed devoid of any activity concerning the alien, save the ropes hanging uselessly from the bed. The window was still locked and it hadn't been broken.

_Maybe he went out through another room_, Dib thought. He turned to check the rest of the house, but as he did, his eye caught a flash of green come at him fast. Zim had been hiding behind the open door to ambush his captor, and now he had him in his strong, crushing (yet skinny) arms. Dib growled and struggled, but Zim had the advantage.

They fought only for an instant when Zim suddenly stopped. He let go and backed away. Dib was shocked by his sudden freedom, and he watched the alien unexpectedly turn and nearly trip over his own feet to get to the bathroom across the hall. He was immediately enlightened when Zim fell to his knees over the toilet.

Whatever had been in Zim's squeedily spooch was now in Dib's toilet. The painful heaving sound and choke of Zim being sick made Dib feel a little nauseous himself, but it didn't deter him from investigating though, and he approached Zim slowly.

Zim didn't even look up when Dib leaned over him. He was looking at his own vomit, intrigued by its lack of color. It had burned terribly coming up, but it left no taste in his mouth.

"Are you okay?" Dib asked with genuine concern. Zim answered by flushing the toilet with a quick flick of his shaking hand. He looked slowly in Dib's direction, hoping that the human wouldn't touch him…he feared that he would be sick again if he did. Zim stood with the help of the nearby sink. Dib held his hands out to help, but Zim glared at him silently to warn him to stay back.

"Maybe you should lie down?" Dib offered. He moved away from the door and gestured to his bed. Zim swallowed the thick feeling of dread in his throat. If he went back to bed like his body was demanding right now, then he might never escape.

Dib was standing in the hall now. Zim quickly planned to walk out of the bathroom and then turn and make a beeline for the stairs. He'd have at least a few feet advantage over the Dib.

Zim took one step and instantly felt nauseous again.

He wouldn't be running at all. He had agitated his squeedily spooch jumping on the Dib…Zim warily entered the hall and discreetly glanced down its length towards possible escape, but it was not meant to be.

Dib touched his arm and led him to the bed. Zim didn't get sick at his touch, in fact, he was grateful to his guide for holding him up. Zim barely made it to the bed without passing out, and as soon as he sat, his body became like rubber. His spine gave out and he crashed on his side, sighing heavily from the relief if offered.

Dib crossed his arms and observed Zim. Fatigue laced his eyes. Dib only had to wait a moment before red eyes succumbed to sleep and sickness.

Dib blamed himself for this. He'd been so stupid with that gas! He wasn't prepared to take care of Zim in case he was really, really sick, and even though he still hadn't decided what to do with him, Dib knew in the back of his brain—damn his "good conscience"—that he had to take care of Zim. He was his responsibility now, whether Zim liked it or not.

Dib mused over his options and came to the conclusion that since Zim was now in his possession, he could easily control him. Now would be a prime time to hack into his base and turn it over to his power while at the same time curing Zim of whatever disease or affliction he was suffering from. Dib could have the base, _his_ base, keep Zim captured while he leisurely explored his new acquisitions. Of course, Zim would be very, very angry and demand the computer to release him, which it wouldn't…it was Dib's now!

First things first. Dib packed a bag with his laptop and other necessary things to hack the base's computer. He slung it over his shoulder and turned his attention back to Zim. Getting him to the base would be the tricky part because he could wake up any moment…the alien was in deep unconsciousness for the moment, and he didn't flinch when Dib lifted him easily into his arms. Zim was fairly light, and Dib caught himself gently cradling the body in spite of his recent feelings towards him.

Dib suffered an inexplicable emotion and a physical feeling when he held Zim like this…it passed quickly though, like a vague memory best forgotten.

**…**


	6. You Knew it was Coming!

**A/N:** Thank you everyone for the reviews! And yes, you knew it was coming, sooner or later…

…

Chapter 6

"You Knew it was Coming!"

…

Dib thanked his father for buying him a car. He hadn't used it much because he was a bit of an environmentalist these days, and why drive when he could ride the bus for free or walk to school on a clear, sunny day?

Now it was necessary. Zim was lying in the front seat beside him, his head virtually in Dib's lap. Dib wanted to throw something over Zim's face so he wouldn't have to look at him, but he needed to keep a constant vigil in case Zim woke up on the way to the base.

He didn't want to be mean, not even to Zim, who made it a profession to be hateful, but he was very tempted to kick Zim when he was down, simply to get retribution for all the strife the stupid alien had caused in the past. But Dib stilled his hand, and despite the fact that he didn't want to look at Zim (for so many reasons) he found himself gazing at him with concern…and running over someone's garbage cans in the process.

"He he he," Dib laughed to himself. It was a harmless hit and run. Though, Dib could see a mental image of some old man in his robe getting really mad when he went to get his morning paper.

Dib finally made it to the base, and making sure the coast was clear, from human eyes that is, he took Zim in his arms and entered the base, which was not locked by the way. Gir was probably the cause of that. The robot was doing _something_ in the kitchen and a very odd odor came his way. Dib wasn't about to ask any questions because he had work to do, and luckily for him, Gir had decided to ignore the intruder.

Dib tossed Zim on the sofa a little rougher than he had intended and he let out a soft moan but didn't wake up. Sighing, Dib got out his laptop and found a port in a nearby wall which he used to create a direct link to the base's computer. It wasn't hard to run his own programs on Zim's Irken technology and in ten minutes flat the base was his.

Dib wondered why he hadn't done this years ago, but as he thought back, Zim always seemed to be home when he chose to invade the Invader's home. Bad timing was not against him now. He tested the computer several times before feeling confident that he was in total control, and he even went as far to let Gir know what was happening.

Gir thought it was nice that he was gaining a new "roommate" as he called Dib. He finished in the kitchen after finally acknowledging Dib was there and he watched his sleeping master with rapt attention.

"Aww, master's sleeping…shusssh," Gir said with great sympathy.

"Yeah, he is," Dib said, not bothering to whisper. "Computer? Take Zim to the uh…" Dib checked on his laptop for the exact name of the medical areas. "….to Level 11, and see what's wrong with him…AND, restrain him!" Dib added with emphasis.

The med-lab was very big as Dib soon found out. He took a separate elevator when the computer took Zim deep into the base, and when he stepped out, the room unfolded before him. It was sickeningly sterile and dimly lit. The middle of the room was occupied by hospital-like beds, these being less bulky than human ones, and in the upper part of them were indentations for the pak.

Dib figured that all these beds meant that the base could, or was supposed to support a large amount of soldiers…why did Zim need all this space, or was it just the standard base design? Ah, Dib was getting distracted with his own questions. Getting back on track now…

One wall was reserved for stasis pods to be used in extreme cases of injury. Each pod was lit from above with a dull blue glow. Another wall housed the computer terminals and the other walls had doors that led to private rooms. Dib peeked into a few of these, but they weren't as cozy as he thought private hospital rooms would be. He imagined Zim being badly hurt, not sadistically, but wondering if the alien had ever used one of these pods before.

Dib had ignored Zim until now. He was strapped to one of the main room's beds, completely surrounded by empty beds and an even emptier room. Dib sat on a bed and watched as a pivoting computer screen compiled the results of Zim's scan. Dib held the corner of the screen in one hand while the other was nervously occupied with one-handed-knuckle-cracking. He was already reading the diagnosis, in English of course, before the computer declared that the tests were over.

Most of the words were complete gibberish to Dib, even though they were in English, but he kept reading and brooding over little graphic pictures of Zim's gooey guts. If Dib hadn't been squeamish before, he was now.

"So, that's a squeedily-spooch," Dib said out loud. He looked at Zim and tried to imagine it in his body, but he shook it out of his mind and continued to read.

Now, imagine a scenario in your magnificent brain. Dib is sitting on a hospital bed reviewing Zim's medical report. Dib's clueless. He doesn't remember asking Zim if he was pregnant…ha! If only Dib knew how right he was, and how wrong Zim had been in the bathroom.

Zim _was_ pregnant! Exactly one month, two weeks, and four days pregnant! He was full of Dib's genetic stuff! Dib only had a moment of ignorant bliss before he read the last few lines of the report. The words didn't register at first because they weren't how a human doctor would deliver the information. _Congratulations, you're going to have a baby!_ No, it wasn't like that. Dib re-read the suspicious lines again aloud.

"Presence of zygotic residence, resulting from the union of a primary ovum and a secondary spermatozoon. Genetic spermatozoon…wait, sperm, that means sperm! Uh, genetic sperm reads physically anomalous with host base." Dib didn't know what that really mean, but he finished, "Host base is not rejecting anomalous union, zygote rapidly forming, embryogenesis in progress. Maturation expected in approximately fourteen to fifteen months."

Dib read it again. And again. And again. What did this mean? He saw sperm, ovum, and "embryogenesis," but he quickly reduced that to embryo. Maturation? The maturation of an embryo as the result of a sperm and ovum…

"OH MY GOD!!!" Dib screamed and leapt off the table, smacking the pivoting screen away from him like it was covered in an incurable disease. He kept his eyes on Zim as he was irretrievably pulled but pushed away from his green body…his pregnant body.

"PREGNANT!" Dib pointed accusingly at the alien. "YOU'RE PREGNANT??? COMPUTER WAKE ZIM UP NOW! HOW ARE YOU PREGNANT ZIM HUH HUH??? HOW, ZIM, HOW?" Dib was shaking, his hands were cold, and he almost couldn't control the urge to kill Zim or beat him till his little green face was black with bruises. The computer listened to Dib's command and injected a small but safe amount of something into his veins. Dib stood beside the bed now and watched the clear liquid empty into Zim. He just couldn't think. Did Zim even know?

"No," Dib gritted his teeth, "because he's so goddamned fucking stupid!" Zim seemed to be coming around, and the first thing Dib wanted him to see was his captor's angry face, because frankly, Dib was so angry and confused that he couldn't see himself. Someone had to remember this rage and this wonderful moment. Oh yes, it was wonderful in the most sarcastic way.

This was all Professor Membrane's fault. "I'm going to kill him next," Dib spat in reference to his father. He knew that the thing in Zim's…uterus? well wherever the thing is, it was _his_ thing! He had gotten Zim pregnant. Dib closed his eyes and saw that scene again. Zim was under him taking the pleasure of sex but bearing the pain of virginity, and since Zim had been a virgin, there was no way it was someone else's baby…or maybe Zim had slept with someone afterwards?

_No, Zim would never do that_, Dib mused, _He hates humans and besides, he doesn't seem like the kind of person to randomly pick someone to sleep with. Oh God I'm debating Zim's principles now. For all I know, that day at school turned him into a slut or a sex fiend or something!!! But, this is my baby…Zim wouldn't do that…It's ours…a mutant, freakish alien human baby…_

Dib finished his thoughts just as Zim opened his eyes. They were clear and instantly focused on Dib, who had lost the hateful glare in turn for sadness and regret. Dib believed that Zim had no clue that he was pregnant, and now he had to be told the "good" news, plus he had to be told that the base was no longer his. _Great_, Dib thought, _just fucking_ _great_.

"Dib!" Zim spat after having looked suspiciously at his surroundings. "Computer! Release me at once," he ordered immediately, but the computer did not respond, even with a beep or some other kind of computery type noise. "Computer?" Zim questioned, his voice laced with concern. "Computer?" he asked once more, but this time, his red eyes were latched onto Dib's and they couldn't let go.

"The computer won't listen Zim," Dib finally explained in an unusually soft voice. Zim was breathing heavily and Dib became momentarily distracted by the rise and fall of his chest, but most of all, Dib was surprised by Zim's silence. Dib guessed that Zim knew something had happened while he was out.

"I suppose it won't," Zim consented calmly as his breath evened out. He added with obvious contempt, "You know, Dib, I can't remember a time that I've woken up and you weren't there, or that I was tied down. Explain yourself."

"I think you know what's happened Zim."

"Do I?" Zim looked at the ceiling to distract himself from Dib's strangely sympathetic voice and his face which had somehow elicited an allure Zim didn't understand.

"I do," Zim consented. "So, congratulations Dib. Of course, you had to do it when I was unconscious and feeling my worst, but that's how I would have done it. Actually," he continued, "you have your father to thank for making that noxious stuff. Without it you would have never had me or my base."

"Yeah, I need to thank my father for a lot of stuff." _Oh the irony_, Dib thought. Zim turned his vision back to Dib. Zim was thinking that this was going to truly be the end. Dib obviously didn't have the courage to expose him in his own home, so he was going to do it in his base. He didn't mind really. He wasn't an Invader anymore, and so this would be his fitting end. A failure to the last. Dib, on the other hand, was thinking the exact opposite. He had to admit to himself that he _didn't_ want to turn Zim in, and now he definitely couldn't because the alien was carrying a baby…his baby!

"What now, Dib-human?"

"Nothing right now, Zim. Computer, release Zim." The bonds around Zim's ankles and wrists vanished and Zim was left stunned. He sat up, swinging his legs off the side to hop off the bed, but he stopped when Dib sat opposite him.

"Stay, Zim," Dib ordered. Zim obeyed, only because he didn't want to be strapped down again. He wished he had his spider legs, but Dib had those too (Well, technically Gaz owns them now!). Right now he would patiently listen to the human and whatever nonsense he had to stay.

"Zim, I need to tell you something."

"Yes, Dib, I already know. You've taken over my base and captured me, you don't have to rub it in!" Zim crossed his arms and puffed up angrily. It was actually quite cute.

"No, not that. Um, I don't know how to stay this, but," Dib grabbed the abused computer screen and read some of the diagnosis to Zim. Dib explained what it possibly meant, but Zim didn't seem to be listening because he was looking away, yet Dib saw his face change from anger to thoughtful. He slowly turned to Dib, his eyes scrunched in confusion. Zim shook off the look and seized the computer screen from Dib. He had to read it again before he shoved it back into Dib's hands to calmly resume his former and more comfortable anger.

"Well?" Dib simply questioned. Zim refused to answer verbally, so he pouted and sulked. "Zim, do you understand what this means? You're pregnant, with a baby! My baby too…I wish you would say something. Don't you care that you're going to carry this around for over a year? God, human women only have to go nine months, but can you handle—"

"I'm not going to handle anything, Dib!" Zim spat. "Do you honestly think I'm going to do this?" Zim hopped off the bed and stood in front of his enemy. He poked Dib's chest to emphasize his demand. "I want you to abort this abomination!" Zim added another painful jab to finish. Dib swatted his hand away and frowned.

"I'm not going to do that Zim. You see, I value life and I don't care if the baby is an abomination, you're going to have it."

"You can't make me do this Dib," Zim unexpectedly pleaded.

"I can! I'll make the base keep you here. You can have the baby—" Dib suddenly got a brilliant idea, one that would both guarantee the safety of his baby and his planet. He had fourteen, maybe fifteen months, plenty of time. It _would_ work. Dib walked to a nearby computer panel and quietly observed it. He curiously looked around the room to re-estimate its vast size, and then his eyes wandered back to Zim, who was too small for this room, or most rooms.

"Ok, I'll make a deal with you Zim." Zim simply listened.

Dib smiled. "You have the baby, and I'll return the base."

"That's stupid Dib-human," Zim retorted. "You're going to force me anyway, so what does that mean to me?"

"It just means what it means. We need to make this as pleasant as possible, for my sanity and for the baby's health…and yours! If you know you'll get the base back, then this won't be so bad, maybe, and when you have the baby, I promise I'll be out of here."

"You know I don't believe you, human...but what about the baby?"

"I get the baby." Dib had barely said the words before the most inexplicable look crossed Zim's face. It wasn't anger, but it was something fiercely akin to Zim's passionate rage. Dib had seen it many times, but it faded too quickly before Dib could decipher its meaning.

Dib doubted Zim's verbal response immediately. Zim's voice should have been full of spite and contempt when he expressed his feelings, but when he said "I don't care about the baby," his words were hollow. Dib felt that the previous, inexplicable emotion had drained something from Zim, body and soul.

Sighing, Dib could only imagine how hard the next several months were going to be.

…


	7. Me and My Suitcase

**O!** Reviews. I love reviews. You guys are great. I want this to be a fun fic for you all and not too heavy on the angst, thought it might seem that way in this chapter. Here's another chapter, finally!

**Chapter 7**

"Me and My Suitcase"

The sky was a lovely shade of blue. Not even a wisp of a cloud marred the vast, sunny dome of heaven. Everyone enjoyed Saturday's gorgeous weather while they could, for rain was predicted in the coming week. Little children played in the park and old ladies threw bread crumbs to the ducks in the pond.

Eden itself could not hold a mirror to the beauty of this particular Saturday.

Of course, this was all outside. The interiors of some places were far from heaven.

One might call Zim's house the mouth of hell for all the gloom and hatred that festered inside the bowels of the residence. Wait, I must correct myself. It's no longer Zim's base…it's Dib's. For once in his life, Zim wanted to go outside and escape the stifling atmosphere of his former home, but he was a literal prisoner, and all he could do was look out a window to the world he had once hoped to conquer. The windows were one-sided, so no outsider could see Zim's alien face, but it had been one week since his imprisonment and he longed for any contact besides Dib's constant presence.

Zim had to give Dib credit though. He _had_ captured him fair and square. Zim's pride would never admit this openly, but it was true, and all the while the back of his brain yelled that he was no longer an Invader, so it didn't matter. The situation was what it was. Dib tried to make Zim comfortable in his new position, but Zim was going to make sure Dib was miserable in return. He hadn't quite figured out a plan to set this in motion, but Zim was confident that the pregnancy would cause problems on its own.

Of course, the problems were aimed at Zim himself. He was vomiting at least twice a day now, but that didn't stop his plans of DOOM!

Still, Zim didn't know how he had gotten pregnant…well…he _knew_ how, but he didn't know how his body could carry a baby when all Irken soldiers were supposed to be sterile. Several tests by the computer showed no anomalous mutations in his squeedily-spooch; though it _did_ reveal a healthy, but very under-developed embryo in Zim's "uterus," which had no Irken name…yet. Dib also made sure that the baby was his, which it was, to both his relief and chagrin. He was paradoxically torn between the little creature growing in Zim's belly. Would he accept it when it was born? What if it was deformed? What if it didn't carry to term? What if this abnormal pregnancy killed Zim?

There were too many questions this early in the pregnancy and Dib had too many things to do. First he had to make sure Zim had no access to any vital parts of his base. He allowed him to access necessary rooms for bodily functions, hygiene, and sleep. Several rooms satisfied this purpose, but instead of limiting Zim one of each room, Dib gave him a few so he wouldn't get cabin-fever. For the most part, Zim stayed out of his way, and he actually hadn't been in his physical presence for six whole days now. Zim lurked in the shadows with Gir as his companion, who was no threat and he latched onto both Dib and Zim like a mindless puppy; he was with Zim most of the time, absolutely clueless to his master's situation and mood.

The next phase of Dib's plan for the base was simple. He _had_ told Zim the truth—

"_You have the baby, and I'll return the base."_

Zim _would_ get his base back, but it would be a severely depleted base. Over the years, Dib had learned some aspects of the base's physical structure. Some information was useless at the time, but one particular piece of useless data was now vital to his plan. The base, in its first stage, resembled a screw. It utilized a rapid building technology Dib didn't understand, but he soon found out that each level of the base, and sections within those levels, could be compacted into those first-stage screw structures.

Dib planned to steal the base little by little, and Zim would never know until then.

He would be baseless and baby-less. Dib knew that sounded bad, but it was for the good of the earth. Zim, with a baby? There was no telling what the alien would do with a child. He would either kill it or train it to be his evil minion, but that's not considering the abortion Zim wanted. He had demanded another abortion earlier that week, but Dib refused and said it was punishment for being an evil alien invader. Zim huffed and left the med-lab to sulk in his room.

Dib could imagine Zim doing worse things than sulk, and he wondered why the alien hadn't thrown an angry tantrum at least once.

Now he was simply staring through the window as Gir watched TV from the big red sofa. One of the kitchen chairs sufficed for Zim's viewing seat. Dib had watched him drag it from the kitchen via a monitor deep in the base. Hopefully he would spend the day silently moping around the house, but he knew Zim would not be quiet for long.

* * *

How do you juggle an alien and school? Not very well in Dib's case. Even though Dib had faith in his newly programmed base, he spent each day in school with paranoia chewing on his brain. Zim was locked up tight, but he could never completely assure himself Zim would be there when he checked in. 

No one at school asked where Zim had gone, but Dib made an excuse with the computer's help.

Zim and his parents now lived in the far-off and mysterious state of Florida, where the oranges graze in the pasture, and creatures known only as "old people" scare kids with stories of the good old days…

In reality, Zim was going crazy. Dib visited every morning before going to school, and he came home every afternoon to spend the evening in _his_ base, perfecting his base-stealing procedure. Then he would leave and the cycle would start again the next day.

One month had passed slowly in this manner before it wore on both alien and human.

Dib couldn't stand the strain anymore. He had to choose.

"Dad?" Dib asked nervously. Professor Membrane was in his own lab poking something that looked vaguely like a moldy piece of toast.

"Yes, son, what is it?" he replied undistracted.

Dib took a deep breath, "I have to tell you something dad, and I know you won't like it, and well, I don't like it either, but it's for the best. You see, I've decided to quit school to do my own scientific research, kinda like an independent experiment, but it takes up too much time and it's very, very, _very_ important, but the other thing is…well…I plan to move out of the house and live with a _friend_, who has all the necessary equipment for my research. So, uh, I might need some money, maybe a monthly allowance so I can live by myself. I know Gaz won't mind, but I want your permission, even though I'm seventeen and I can legally drop out anyway." Dib abruptly stopped his speech. His father continued to send electricity through the toast-thing.

"Ah yes," Membrane said, "independent research, it's a beautiful thing." He put down his tools and turned to his son to proudly put his hand on his shoulder. "I've been waiting for this day for years. Of course you can quit school. I've never had much faith in the public system and you're such a genius that I have faith you'll do just fine. I'll give you your monthly stipend, so long as you inform me of your research."

Dib was stunned. "Really, you'll let me do it?"

"Yes, yes. I'm intrigued by this thing that pulled you into the scientific community and away from your…para-science. Tell me, son, what is it you'll be working on?"

"Uh, oh, well, give me a few days to _properly _put it in writing. I'm sure you'll like it."

Membrane chuckled. "I'm sure. Now, get packing and have fun, and here," Membrane went to his desk and returned a moment later with a card. He gave it do Dib, who took it excitedly.

God bless the credit card.

That was easier than he had thought. He said goodbye to his father and left the address of his new residence, and then immediately packed what he needed and loaded it into his car. He didn't forget the handy card with a massive credit limit of $500,000. Dib reasoned that it must be one of his father's extra government-issued credit cards used solely for research.

It was in good hands now!

Dib found Gaz and told her the good news, and she actually helped him pack his crap in the car, but only because he would be leaving; he spoiled her hopes when he said it would only be for little over a year.

"Why are you leaving anyway?" she asked curiously.

"I guess I should tell you," Dib said as he shut the trunk of his car. He opened the front door and got in. Gaz leaned on the open door to hear the response. "You remember the pesticide incident?"

Gaz blushed a little, "Yeah, so?"

"Well, uh, Zim and I happened to be near each other and one thing led to another and now he's pregnant." Dib laughed nervously, and Gaz's eyes bulged.

"You mean, you and Zim had sex and now he's pregnant with _your_ baby?" Dib nodded. "So that means I'll be an aunt." Dib nodded again and swung his legs into the car. Gaz shut the door and the siblings parted on good terms. Gaz couldn't believe she was going to be an aunt to an alien baby thing. It seemed too freakishly good to be true.

* * *

Dib parked on the cul-de-sac and made a mental note to somehow squeeze a garage in Zim's tiny lot. The car would be fine on the street for now. He unloaded his large suitcases, two in all, and hauled them to the front door where he put in his voice code to gain entrance to the base. He immediately inquired about Zim's location. The computer said he was sleeping in one of his rooms. 

"How are his levels?" Dib asked, referring to the various systems monitoring Zim at all times.

"All levels are stable and healthy. A steady increase in two hormones has been detected, however."

"What hormones?" Dib said as he grabbed a soda from the fridge.

"Lethrogen-32 and Sesticine." Dib stopped mid sip. _Okay, those are definitely not human hormones_, he thought.

"Uh, okay, what do those do….in Zim's body? Be specific." he said. Gir decided to appear that very moment to join Dib at the kitchen table.

"Hellooooo Dib!" he greeted. Gir threw his crayons on the table and proceeded to draw something terribly inconceivable to the human mind.

"Yeah, hi Gir. Computer?"

"Lethrogene-32 exclusively regulates the growth in the embryo. The spike in this hormone indicates the embryo is growing steadily and rapidly."

"And the other one?" Dib asked.

"Sesticine is a hormone that regulates emotions and moods. The spike in this hormone indicates that Zim is going to get really _bitchy_." The computer cleared its throat. "I mean, uh, he's going to be emotionally unstable." Dib suddenly got a headache.

"Thanks, computer."

"You're welcome."

_Emotionally unstable?_ Dib thought. _Hmm, Zim is pregnant, so I should have expected something like this…wonder when it's going to kick in…NO! Don't think things like that Dib, you'll just jinx yourself…_

"Lookit Dib!" Gir held up his picture for a moment. Dib absently nodded at it and gave Gir a moderately interested smile which Gir took to be positive criticism. He put his picture on the fridge via a little carrot shaped magnet, and he quickly disappeared into the bowels of the base. Dib sighed and contemplated his next moves.

"I guess I should write something to dad," he said aloud, referring to the statement of "research" he planned to do at the base. He figured it shouldn't be too hard to find something scientific to do around here; he could get the base to pick a human ill and that would be his research for the year, even though it would probably only take like two minutes to solve.

The base's deconstruction was coming along nicely, so other than that, the only thing Dib had to deal with was Zim. He had seen him three days ago, and he didn't look so bad for a pregnant person. Zim wasn't showing yet, even though he was over two months pregnant, but with the nearly fifteen month gestation period, he might not look so for a while. All Dib could do now was wait and take in the computer's daily vital reports, hoping beyond hope that everything would play out smoothly.

Dib had just jinxed himself.

Zim decided to show at that moment. He came through the elevator in the living room and he immediately gave Dib a cold shoulder. Refusing to reply to Dib's hello, Zim took a drink from the fridge and casually walked to the sofa. Now was probably the best time to tell Zim the good news, so he entered Zim's personal space by sitting on the sofa at a comfortable distance.

"How are you feeling?" Dib asked.

Zim snorted. "Hungry, no thanks to you, human." Zim took a sip of his drink and turned on the TV.

"Hungry? Well, there's plenty of food in the kitchen so just help yourself."

"I don't _want_ any of that _disgusting_ food, human."

"It's _your _food!"

"I don't want it anymore, _human_!" Zim kept his eyes angrily plastered on the TV.

"Quit calling me human."

"I'll call you whatever I please…_human_."

"Christ Zim, you're so…so…frustrating! What do you want then? What?"

"What are those?" Zim suddenly asked, pointing to Dib's suitcases.

"My suitcases. I quit school and I'm moving in until you have the baby."

Zim was at a loss for words. He looked like he was going to have a heart-attack or a stroke or a seizure. He was hyperventilating and he dropped his soda. Dib panicked and shook the alien's shoulders to rouse him from the fit he was having.

"Zim, don't freak out on me…calm down…come on, we'll go to the store and buy whatever you want to eat, okay? Just breathe, breathe…" Zim was trying to breathe along with Dib's hypnotic chant.

_Breathe, breathe, breathe…_

"That's it," Dib encouraged with a smile. "Okay, that's better." Dib listened as Zim's hoarse inhalations died to gentle exhales; it was one of the most beautiful sounds he had heard the whole day.

"No," Zim said gruffly. "I can't handle that."

"Yes you can. You'll barely see me. Are you still hungry?" Zim nodded. Dib knew he had successfully distracted Zim. "What do you want to eat then?"

"Something…sweet. Very sweet. I've been craving sugar all day." Zim looked wistfully at his fallen soda. Even its syrupy contents could not satisfy his hunger. Dib ordered the computer to clean up the mess, an act that was a slap in the face to Zim. It only reminded him that Dib was in control of everything.

Now the human was in control of curbing his sweet hunger.

* * *


	8. Sex

AN: I rewrote this chapter three times! Still not satisfied. Cliffhanger warning. From here, the story will move fairly fast to its conclusion.

**Some Kind of Crazy Love Potion **

Chapter 8

"Sex"

"Zim, get on the table."

"No."

"Just do what the computer says, okay? Take off your clothes and get on the table."

"I am not taking my clothes off in front of you, human."

"Computer, restrain--"

"FINE!" Zim huffed and turned to the hospital bed in the med-lab. A standard Irken hospital gown was neatly folded on it. It was lavender, not white, yet it retained the horrible design of its cousin in that it tended to fly open in the back and show one's rear. Dib had his own back turned for the moment, so Zim hastily removed his clothes, slipped on the gown and sat on the table while his hands held the fickle garment in place.

"I'm done meat creature." Dib looked over his shoulder. He hadn't seen Zim's bare legs or arms since that horrible, fateful day at school, and even flashes of his green skin sent shivers up his spine in the most unagreeable manner. Zim's mouth was set very angrily when he noticed Dib's stare.

This was all very, very wrong.

"Lie down," Dib ordered. Zim narrowed his eyes to slits and swung his legs up and positioned his pak in the hollow of the bed. It was actually very comfortable, yet it was unpleasant overall, and Zim was incredibly queasy for two reasons. One, he had just thrown up about ten donuts and some candy bars, and two, he was nervous about this "procedure" the computer's medical programming said was necessary. Zim didn't understand why the computer needed to actually touch him; it had been scanning him for Dib's pleasure from day one, but now it demanded samples of blood and other fluids.

Zim wanted to vomit at that word. _Fluids_. Dib stood nearby as the computer took blood.

"I don't see why I had to take my clothes off for this Dib-human," Zim said with a slight wince at the prodding in his skin.

Dib shrugged. "I don't either." Dib, as always, was fascinated by Zim's alien structure, and as the computer violated Zim physically, it was also scanning him at the same time, and the results popped up on a screen for Dib's viewing. He looked at Zim's weight first.

"Wow!" he shouted involuntarily. "You've gained sixteen pounds Zim!"

"Excuse me?" Zim sneered.

"Sixteen pounds," Dib repeated, though sheepishly at Zim's reaction.

"I hope this amuses you," Zim crossed his arm when the computer finished, "Look at me. Your filthy genes are multiplying like bacteria germy things. Or yeast."

Yeast? "You look fine Zim. What, did you expect to be flat or something?"

"I don't know!" Zim shrieked. "I didn't expect anything!" Zim gently laid his hand over the now prominent bulge of his growing child.

Five months, and an infinite amount of sugary calories later, Zim was now officially pregnant looking. Now that Dib could really see him half-way naked, he noticed the subtle softening of his prisoner's body. The thighs were fuller and his arms more curved. His face, too, was different. A darker green sat on the soft skin of his cheeks, and his lips were pouty, but not in an irritating way.

Even when Zim was in a horrible mood, he radiated the clichéd pregnant glow.

Dib blushed when he realized Zim was staring at his face. It was his fault for looking so hard at Zim's fattening body, and if Zim could read his mind, he would not be very happy to know that Dib found him much more attractive (or as attractive as Dib could imagine). Zim kept silent about Dib's boldness and saw the computer prepare for another procedure. It brought up a tray at the end of the bed, and two strange looking things popped out on either side of the bed.

The computer's voice echoed in the room, and its tone indicated that it had never known Zim to be its master. Completely indifferent it said, "Please place your feet in the stirrups and relax."

"Huh," Dib huffed. "Wonder what that means?" He looked at Zim expectedly. "Do what it says Zim...I think." Even Dib wasn't sure what the strange command meant. Zim cocked his head to the side, looking at the "stirrups," as the computer called them, with the utmost skepticism.

_Well, the sooner I get this over with the better. I can go eat and sleep. I wonder if there's any of that pie left... _

Zim leaned back and put his feet in the stirrups, his heels fit perfectly in the devices, and his legs were now propped up very inappropriately. Zim felt a cool draft come up his gown. It was very evident that this exam was like no other exam Zim had ever had. The computer used two robotic arms, cased in shining silver metal, to do the work of a real doctor. One arm picked up a tool from the tray, while the other squirted something on it. Dib felt he had seen this somewhere...and then he gasped. He put a hand over his mouth to stifle the laugh and the wicked smile that came over him.

It was the result of too much TV (and the internet) that gave him even the remotest capacity to know what this was.

The dripping tool moved between Zim's legs, hovering about two feet away from its destination. Zim sat up a little to see what was going on. He was stupidly innocent to this "procedure" and was surprised when the tool began moving closer and closer to his so-called vagina.

"Hey! HEY! What is this?" Zim shouted and pulled back from the prodding thing, promptly jerking his feet out of the stirrups.

The computer said nicely, "Please relax and remain in a lying position."

"I will not! Dib-human, what is this...this _thing _going to do?"

Dib coughed and blushed again. "Um, well, you know I _think _Gaz has done this before. It's a thing that girls do--"

"GIRLS! I AM NOT A GIRL!"

"I know that! It's for your own good Zim, now shut up and lie down before I have the computer tie you down!" Dib sighed and tried to relax himself. God, Zim was so infuriating! "It's just going to see if you are healthy...down there, okay?" Dib came to Zim's side and pushed him down, looking into his angry red eyes to reassure him that this was perfectly safe and normal.

"Eh..." Zim groaned and examined the strange tool that was going to go there, the place he had not divined to be a place of very much importance before all this mess. Now he was defiled, in body and mind, and his innocence, virgin or not, would be tested again with a machine's tool and an exam that he didn't even know was programmed into his computer. Dib was staring at him expectantly, not pushing or pressing him to do anything (besides ordering the computer to force him) and he seemed particularly patient when it came to his physical well-being.

Zim was never convinced that Dib could be anything _but _cruel.

Zim's distressed, but assenting sigh, made Dib gently smile. It was the sound of giving in. Zim very reluctantly laid his head on the soft bed below him and wiggled down the bed enough to put his feet back into the stirrups. The arms began to move again, sensing its patient's position, but they did not move again until Zim was completely still.

"I hate you Dib," Zim whispered; his voice quivered with nervousness. He was torn between closing his eyes or leaving them open to this horror, but Dib's soft brown eyes seemed sympathetic and unmocking, so he could not close his own eyes or tear them away from Dib's silent reassurance.

Dib didn't dare look back at whatever was happening when Zim's eyes widened. He bit his green lip to cover up what would have been a very high pitched squeak, and each muscle in his face contorted, as he experienced the strange, tickling feeling deep inside his body. He tried to put on a very obvious facade of composure for Dib when the tickling disappeared and was replaced by an agonizing pressure.

"So, Dib," Zim spoke quickly, "you've been stealing wormhole technology."

"What?"

"Humor me. I need the distraction." The computer harshly scraped something inside him and he winced. Dib nodded his head, understanding the dilemma.

"How did you know that?"

"Gir told me. You shouldn't trust him with secrets."

"Well I had to give my father something. He thinks I'm doing independent research. Besides, he doesn't have the whole formula for the wormhole, but I still think he pissed in his pants when he saw what little I gave him."

"Oh, well are you...ahh...wha--ow! OW!" Dib spun around, despite his internal protests, just in time to see the computer arm retract the tool glazed with Zim's blood.

"Procedure complete. You may now dress." The computer took all evidence of the very intrusive exam to analyze immediately.

Dib asked stupidly, "Are you okay?"

"No!" he snapped. "I'm all...sticky...and hurt...and sad." Zim's lips quivered uncontrollably and his usually perky antennae fell as far as they possibly could. He looked at Dib, who was listening intently, and stated very matter-of-factly, "I'm going to cry now."

Dib simply said "Okay" and examined with great awe Zim's sobbing.

_Boo-hoo _was not adequate to describe his cry. It was more like the banshee's wail, and though Zim was not likely to foretell death anytime soon, his weeping could probably raise the dead.

This was hormone induced, with a hint of post-traumatic-gynecological-stress.

"Shower," Zim sobbed the single word and slid off the bed, grabbing the lavender robe tightly around him (it was specked here and there with blood) and he pointed in the direction of the shower facility one floor above.

"I'll be upstairs when you're done," Dib said, as if to offer his services or a nice conversation when he was done. Zim ignored him of course and disappeared into the elevator. Dib ordered the computer to put every result of the exam on his Irken "PDA," a small and very useful device that was connected to the mainframe. He went to the kitchen and pulled a pack of microwaveable ramen noodles from the pantry, fixed it to his liking, sat at the table, and ate as he scrolled the finished results.

Everything was in order so far.

The clock ticked to five. The sun had set in the early onset of winter. Warmth could only be found in a good jacket and inside a house with central-heating. Dib peered past the kitchen doorway to see darkness through the front windows and the glint of useless orange light from the street lamps. It was easy to loose track of time without school. The innards of the base were dayless and nightless. Hours stretched on end when he worked, and even now, he wasn't quite sure what day it was. Thursday or Friday? It was the beginning of December, definitely. His father called to check on him yesterday to ask if he would be home for Christmas.

Dib didn't want to leave Zim alone. He didn't want to think about it now.

His ramen finished, Dib held his PDA and wandered to the windows. Zim liked to sit here. There was his chair. He looked around the much changed living room. Since Zim's moods had started, he had thrown about six bad tantrums in this room, and unfortunately, most of them had been aimed at Gir. The little robot never meant to be so adorably stupid, but Zim was never in the mood to put up with him anymore; now Gir avoided his master like the plague. Dib hoped that in the end Gir would forgive Zim and that Zim would apologize, but the selfish alien never asked about his robot, as if he never cared about him at all.

The living room was no longer a place of solitude for Gir or Dib. It was Zim's domain when he wasn't in one of his rooms. The green monkey painting above the sofa stood vigil and witness to everything here. It bore the scars of Zim's bare, sharp claws. Dib didn't have the heart to take it down, and Zim would have himself, but it was a gift from someone, Zim refused to say who. It's eyes stared at Zim, and he sometimes accused it of mocking him as he napped on the sofa. It whispered things to him, but what it supposedly said, Dib would never know. Whatever it was, bad or good, it remained on the wall.

Shaking himself from the memories, Dib finished scrolling his PDA's contents, finally coming across something he hadn't thought about.

The sex of the baby.

He grinned from ear to ear.

"Wow, that's the best news I've had all day."

Behind him he heard Zim's soft footsteps.

* * *

tbc… 


	9. Aunt Gaz

**A/N:** Warnings: **1. **Gaz and Dib sibling chat. **2. **Dib rant on Irkens. **3. **Tiny lime at end, it barely counts as half a lime **4. **Baby's sex revealed! **5. **Long chapter, a lot of dialogue. **6. **Zim's completely lost it...

Speaking of the baby, I have some names picked out, but I'd love my reviewing readers to tell me what they'd name the _precious _little monster.

**Some Kind of Crazy Love Potion**

Chapter 9

"Aunt Gaz"

Dib heard the footsteps stop behind him. Zim stood in the doorway, dressed only in a simple black robe made of thin, but absorbent Irken cloth. He was simply staring at Dib with a knowing sort of look, and his eyes were violently red in the dim light. His silence was disturbing.

"I didn't think you'd come up," Dib remarked honestly. Zim shrugged his shoulders very loosely and carelessly, not thinking about the sleeve that slid silkily off his shoulder. It exposed his skin to the cool air.

Very lowly, he said, "I wish to speak with you Dib-human."

"Oh," Dib gripped the PDA tightly. He did not like Zim's tone. "About what?"

Zim sighed, pulled the fallen sleeve back into place, and very _loosely _sauntered to the sofa and slid slowly onto the cushions. He sighed once more, audibly, and full of an emotion Dib couldn't quite place. Zim was staring at him very strangely. His eyes were...cloudy? Hazy? Something...but it was disturbing nonetheless, and when he spoke again, asking Dib to sit next to him, Dib knew something was up. Zim was never so casual and _friendly _to him.

Curious, Dib sat, still holding the PDA and preparing for some kind of physical attack.

After a too long moment of silence, Dib asked, "Were we going to talk about something?"

"Yes...oh, _yes_...I quite forgot."

_Huh, damn liar._

"I was thinking, _Dib_," Zim stressed his name with a hiss, "that you and I don't talk very often."

"Yeah, so?"

"This, eh, not talking, does not bother you?"

"No." Dib grinned. "I don't like you very much. Does it _bother _you?" Dib's sarcasm was evident.

"Hmm...yes. But only in an enemy sort of way. Tell me, have you been going through my personal files?" Zim scratched his chin, seemingly uninterested, but the question was obviously important enough for Zim to ask, and Dib knew that Zim hated what was happening to his base. He certainly didn't know that it was almost gone, thanks to himself, and if he did, he would have bitched about it...very loudly.

"No, actually," Dib told himself that _he _was very stupid at that point, "I haven't"

_Wait! Why haven't I looked through his files yet? God, I've been so busy destroying this place that I just forgot. But that doesn't mean I can't, now that Zim's so kindly reminded me...I bet there's something about his mission and his plans for conquest!_

"I don't believe you," Zim licked his lips, then added, "but, if you _had _read them, then you would have said something by now."

"Why would I _have _to say anything to you?"

"But you would."

"It depends on what it was."

"Oh." Zim lost interest in the conversation. It had deviated from what he really wanted to ask Dib, or more frankly, what he really wanted to _propose _to Dib. He didn't care, right now-at the moment, lost in this feeling-if Dib knew his horrible secret, the one that exposed all his pitiful wounds and betrayed his...betrayal!

Somehow, Zim had hoped that the conversation would have led to something else, but like most of his plans, it diverged greatly, and now Zim's words were stuck between a hard place in his mind, and his mouth couldn't spit them out right.

He wanted to ask...no...he demanded...no...he _needed _something...

Zim looked at Dib, hoping that the distress in his heart showed through his expressive eyes, and he hoped even more, that Dib remembered him crying (more than once) and that the boy might have a little pity for him and help him in his most urgent time of need.

But...

_Buzzzzzzz!_

Zim snarled at the door as Dib answered it. He was so close to getting somewhere.

"Gaz!" Dib said, as the ringer (or intruder) invited herself into the warmth. She was wearing her heaviest jacket and seemed to be engulfed in it, but she quickly threw it on the sofa, nearly missing Zim; all the while she looked around curiously, ignoring both occupants of the room.

"Did you walk here?" Dib asked. "It's like, freezing outside!"

"Yeah. So, what's to eat? Any pizza?" Gaz made a beeline for the kitchen with Dib following.

"Dib-human!" Zim jumped up and caught Dib at the kitchen table. "I am not done talking!"

"Well finish. Me and Gaz are going to eat pizza." Dib sat and Gaz pulled a frozen pizza from the freezer and tossed it in the apparently human oven, which in reality was a super Irken oven that cooked it in approximately three minutes. She sat with the hot dish and the siblings dug in, leaving a very bewildered Zim standing beside Dib, who was relishing the melted cheese, spicy pepperoni, and various vegetables...

Zim swallowed thickly. The smell. He had wanted to finish his apple pie tonight...

Oh, but the pizza smelled _sooooo _good. How he had hated the smell of cheese before, and Gir, with his insatiable appetite for pizza...where was he now? Zim, compelled by the cheese sat, keeping his eyes on the food, and leaning in, took a single slice. Dib watched him closely, not intrigued that food diverted his short, but violent attention. It wouldn't be the first time food had distracted the alien, and Dib had used it many times to get out of sticky situations.

"So," Dib began, assured that Zim wouldn't talk, "why'd you come?" Gaz barely looked up from her delicious and greasy slice. She shrugged, as if it wasn't important.

"No reason," she said, but added quickly, "I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight."

"Here?"

"No, Dib, the couch outside. Yes, here."

"Why?" Zim spoke suddenly. "I don't want _you _here. Dib!"

"Zim, just shut up." Zim sat straight up, indignant. "Gaz you can stay. And don't make that face Zim, it makes you look stupid. She probably just misses her brother."

Gaz grinned evilly at Zim, but her smile faded, "No, I don't miss you Dib." Dib rolled his eyes.

"It's only...me and dad got in a fight." Gaz sank into her chair, but not before taking another slice of pizza. "Just, stupid stuff. It doesn't matter. Where's Gir?"

"Um, in the labs somewhere. Wait, what did you fight about?"

"Nothing, forget it Dib. I'll go home tomorrow. Dad'll be at work. I want to avoid him for as long as possible."

"But, why-"

"_Drop it_."

"Okay," Dib said meekly. Zim eyed the siblings quietly, chewing on his pizza, and swallowing as he thought of this situation. Gaz would be here tonight. But it didn't mean anything. She would be upstairs. No, it would not ruin anything at all. Zim stood slowly, and spoke to Dib softly, very friendly.

"If you don't mind Dib, I would like to talk to you, _again_..." he added as an afterthought, "tonight." And he was gone.

Gaz chuckled when he was gone. "Wow, he's getting fat."

"Gaz!"

"Oh come on. Besides, he's a jerk. You should call him fat more often."

"Yeah, but he's more than a jerk. I mean, violent and moody are just the tip of the iceberg. God, he's so...mean! Pregnant mean. He was crying earlier, well, he cries a lot lately, but sometimes he yells and throws stuff while he cries, and it's just plain creepy. Like he's angry and sad at the same time."

"Maybe he has PMS."

"Why do you do that?"

"Because I like to embarrass you. So, he has to have a uterus and vagina thing, or something, to be pregnant...does he have a period too?"

"Ack! Gaz! You're sick!" Dib threw down his half-eaten pizza at the thought of green alien menstrual blood.

"He he. You're the one who had sex with him. And all this time I thought he was a dude."

"He is, but...nah. It's just scientific stuff you probably don't want to hear." Dib braved himself to take his pizza back. Gaz shrugged.

"Tell me. Gotta have something to hear. Nothing on TV, and goddamn left my GameSlave at home."

"Wow, how'd that happen?" Gaz shrugged again. _Too mad to think straight? _"Well, anyway, if you want to know, Zim and all his people are bred to be certain things. Zim's a soldier, a bad one, but each one is given a purpose before birth. It's sad, I know, but, the funny thing is, they're all supposed to be sterile and their weird government doesn't want anyone reproducing. It's like some kind of sex control, anyway, to do this, they stop the fetus from forming into it's full potential, and like humans, we are all females to begin with, except we develop with our hormones and stuff to become male or female. But get this! If you're a male Irken, you still have your male hormones, like, you'll be a boy, but have the uh, girl part. Male Irkens have straight antennae and girls have curly, and they also have dark lashes too, like Tak. Anywho, they're just like us that way! Girl at beginning and whatever at the end. So Zim _is _a boy, technically, well, according to his species and culture. Funny thing too, he thought he was sterile, and I still can't find out why he isn't. See, he has male hormones, but some of the female hormones and reproductive organs got left in...not the vagina thing, because that's a given, but the uterus and ovaries and stuff...they're NOT supposed to be there! He's supposed to have the external female characteristics, but none of the internal, which leads me to conclude that Zim is somehow defective, in more ways than one."

"You need a life Dib." Gaz left the table and Dib's weirdness behind. She didn't care that there was nothing on TV. Dib had gotten the awful rant out of his system and hopefully he would be out of her hair for the rest of the night. She was sorry she even asked about Zim.

"Well, I'll be downstairs, listening to whatever Zim has to say." Dib remembered the PDA, and tossed it to Gaz. "Have a look. Oh, and just ask the computer if you need anything." Gaz was suddenly left alone with a huge TV and a PDA...she too smiled when she saw the screen. She'd have to teach the brat a few useful things when it was born, including self-loathing, all around meanness, and the ever powerful art of ass kicking.

"Hey! This thing has video games!"

* * *

Deep in the labs, Dib wandered the halls, though, his wandering wasn't aimless, it was rather slow and thoughtful. He traced the walls with his hands, _his base_, and was reassured of its possession by the satisfying feel of cool metal under his fingers. It wouldn't be a moment sooner when it was totally his and Zim was gone, and in his place would be a child he would raise to be good, unlike its ungrateful "mother" of an Irken!

Dib stopped at Zim's room. This was his favorite. He kept it clean and when he wanted to be elusive, he came here. Ironically, it was always the first place Dib went when he needed Zim; the secret spot never failed to reveal his prey. Dib ordered the computer to open the door, and it did with a _swoosh_, to reveal Zim sitting in plain sight on the edge of the bed. It was very disconcerting, to say the least, to find Zim facing the doorway and staring straight at him with unflinching eyes. It was as if Zim knew he was coming that very instant, which was quite impossible, and it gave Dib the impression that Zim had been sitting there the whole time, unmoving and waiting for him. He must really want to talk.

"Hi, Zim?"

"Yes, Dib-human."

"So, let's talk so I can get back to work."

"Doing what?"

"Oh, nothing important. Destroying your lab." Dib said it like he was joking.

"Hmm. I suspected you were doing something sinister, human. Of course, I didn't believe you when you said you'd give my base back. Did you think I was stupid? You didn't think I would hear or feel the vibrations of my base moving? I know what you've been doing."

_So much for my crappy attempt at a joke_. "You caught me, red-handed." Zim looked at the human's hands in disbelief.

"Your hands are not red."

"It's just a saying."

"Come here, Dib-human," Zim ordered harshly. Dib was once again offered a peek at Zim's legs; uncurtained by his robe and gracefully crossed, Zim seemed too relaxed for his unpleasant tone, and try as he might, Dib could not tear his eyes from the curve of the calf in his vision, the dip and rise of his foot, and the peak of his sharp knee. Why was that leg made so beautifully? Why was it the pefect shade of rich jade?

_Crap, I sound like some kind of poet, _Dib thought. _Rich jade, my ass! I hope I'm not blushing. Do not blush, no blush, no blush...please, please... _

"You're blushing Dib. Why? Are you thinking about something? Something you don't want to think about?"

"No. Just, um, no."

"Come here."

"Tell me what you want so I can get out of here."

"Pfft. You're such a liar Dib-human. Why didn't you tell me what you were doing?"

"It's none of your business."

"IT IS MY BUSINESS!" Zim leapt off the bed and rushed at Dib with an angry fist. "You _monster_. You have no idea."

"Zim, get out of my face. I'll have the computer restrain you."

"I don't care! You won't hurt me! I'm carrying _your _spawn! Yours! Not mine." Zim turned away, his intent blurred by nausea and anger. He staggered back to the bed and sat, clenching the white sheets until they became ruined with stiff crinkles.

"It's...a boy, Zim. We're having a boy."

"A boy?" Zim's shaking hand flew instantly to his swelling belly. All anger melted away, somehow. Dib sat beside him reluctantly.

"I was in the shower, Dib-human," Zim started talking swiftly, "and after that horrible test, I realized it was like that day with the sex. It was the same feeling and it left something tingling inside me. We remember how it felt and it felt bad and good at the same time." Zim's eyes were wild. "I was trying to say that it didn't matter anymore. It doesn't. I don't care if you have my base, or...I don't want you looking through my things stink beast! Erase my personal files! Erase them and make me forget. I need to forget. I can't do this anymore. I can't feel-"

"Zim! Don't do this. What do you expect me to do?"

"Do?" Zim repeated. "Have sex with me."

"WHOA! What?" Dib jumped off the bed and laughed at the absurd command. "Have sex with _me_?"

"Yes. It will make me _feel _better, Dib-human." Zim crossed his arms and shyly looked away. "I don't feel good. Don't you want me to feel good?"

"I want you to feel comfortable...and I only said that for the baby's sake."

"Well, I'm not comfortable and having sex will make me comfortable. That stupid procedure stuck that _thing _in me and now I'm all..._something_."

"I'm so happy that you're horny Zim, but I'm not going to help you. Go masturbate for all I care...hey! is this what you were trying to ask me earlier?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

"So...what is this, masturbate?" Dib blushed instantly.

"Nothing. Look Zim, we don't like each other, and I'm not going to sleep with you so you're going to have to deal with it."

"But, Dib, you-"

"I'm leaving." Zim stumbled off the bed and caught Dib's sleeve, tugging it towards him possessively. Dib turned when he shouldn't have and he met Zim's lips and the push of his pregnant body against his body. Zim quickly lodged his fingers in Dib's hair, crushing him involuntarily to his mouth and sticking his snaking tongue into the human's. Zim moaned heavily, only satisfied by this feeling for a moment before loosing one hand and grabbing Dib's. He wanted to force Dib's warm hand between his legs, right at that burning sweet spot. It needed release and even now he felt hot juices flowing from inside him and wetting his inner thighs. Dib struggled against the attack, but he couldn't really hit Zim (the alien was stronger anyway) but any punch against his stomach, the only place that would hurt him, was conveniently cradling life. He was pushing away with one hand as the other fought Zim's guided direction to a very unwanted place.

Dib needed to call the computer, but he couldn't speak, let alone breathe. Zim's mouth was very, very selfish, and now, he felt his hand lodged between Zim's legs. His palm hit Zim's tight slit, wet and hot, throbbing for his singular touch. Zim pressed his palm harder against the flesh and he let out a heavy groan, his mouth fell open, and his eyes rolled back into his head. Dib's mouth was free...

"Computer...computer..." Zim still had his hand. He skillfully manipulated the human's fingers to probe deeper into his body, until finally, one found the desired spot and was pushed reluctantly in, only partly, but enough for Zim's knees to almost fail and his mind to reel in a half-realized pleasure.

"_Dib_," Zim moaned. Dib...

"Computer, restrain Zim!" Cables shot down from the ceiling and wound gently around Zim, knowing his condition. He was wrenched from Dib unwillingly, but he didn't protest. Had he honestly thought the human would comply with his wishes?

Dib wondered why he hadn't called the computer faster. His hand was soaked and his middle finger had been particularly violated, but that was his own fault.

_I was just in shock, that's it. Shock._

Dib cleared his throat. Zim was silent, his body though, still raged. "I'm going to leave, and when I do, I'll have the computer release you."

"And we will never mention this again...ever." Dib disappeared and Zim was freed. The alien rushed to the bathroom and vomitted. He took another quick shower to relieve his body from the gush of fluids that would only stop when he was satisfied.

Zim looked at himself in the mirror.

Dib had _his _base.

Dib wanted _his _baby.

But he hadn't crushed Zim's pride...yet.

And he was refusing sex when it was plainly obvious that both needed it badly.

So badly in fact, that if anyone happened to see Dib in his private bathroom right now, one might say he was an expert on masturbation.

"Gaz was right. I need a life."

* * *

tbc...yay! 


	10. Going Home

**AN:** Probably the most angsty chapter in the whole story, chapter 10...a nice even number! Mock at the OOCness in this chapter (or at least what I think is some ooc). Please R&R! Happy St. Patrick's…belated a little bit

**Some Kind of Crazy Love Potion!**

Chapter 10

"Going Home"

_Outside, the snow had ceased, and the sky was perfectly blue..._

"So you see da pig and dem squirrels runnin' around the hole?"

"Uh huh."

"Well they's gonna be KABOOM!"

"I see."

"And they lived happily ever after...the end."

"Are you done?"

Gir nodded his head happily. Finally his master was listening to him again and with such rapt attention. Such focus! Proudly he stuck the strange drawing of pigs and squirrels to the fridge door, admiring the adept skill he possessed. Truly Zim was amazed. He had said, "Uh huh," at least ten times throughout the presentation. Gir was nearly in tears of joy when he ran to Zim, who sat calmly at the kitchen table, and wrapped his metal, yet loving arms, around his legs.

"I love you," he said, stuck out his tongue and ran to places unknown.

Zim rolled his eyes and propped his head on his palms and stared down the half-eaten plate of waffles in front of him. They were soaked with syrup and butter. Zim was filled with revulsion at the food, when only yesterday he craved them so badly that he sought Gir and ordered him to make several batches of the stuff. Whatever bad feelings Gir held for Zim disappeared and he could hardly remember the hormonal rages directed at him only months before. Now the robot was in his master's good graces again, and his delicious waffles were proof of his undying love.

Zim slowly got out of the hard wooden chair and sluggishly wandered to the living room to plop into the cozy recliner in the corner. His blanket..._his _blanket...was still there, nestled in the crack from yesterday's mid-afternoon nap. Zim bundled up in it and drifted into a heavy, dreamy sleep.

And that's how Dib found him when he brought in some groceries. He quietly crept into the kitchen with his load, discarding it on the table where the waffles lay as proof to Zim's current position. The alien had eaten and gotten very tired.

_At least I can get some rest too_, Dib thought as he entered the lab, or what was left of it. Now that it was dismantled, he had to figure out what to do with the four-hundred sixty mechanized screws. Each one was a potential medical lab, a storage bay, a weapons facility, or in the case of Dib's favorite, the observatory, and ironically, the smallest screw out of the lot. They were all in a metal box for Dib's observation, but he was bored of them for the moment, so he decided to peruse Zim's logs for the mysterious files that Zim was so adamant that he not read.

Zim's weird behavior warranted a search into his history. Why was he so...psychotic?

Psychotic and pregnant did not mix, as Dib could easily verify with the perverse incident in Zim's bedroom a few weeks ago. Neither of them had mentioned it, yet Dib got the strange sense that Zim was constantly gauging him for another sexual attack.

_At least we're not back to square one_, Dib thought, referring back to the uncomfortable situation created by the unwanted, pesticide-induced sex. Back then, neither of them could look at each other, but now, for some reason, Dib was comfortable even when Zim was looking at him inappropriately.

_I'm just too used to Zim, that's all. Everyday it's Zim Zim Zim. I never leave the house, well, only for groceries. Dad only knows what I'm up to by email and by phone. Thank goodness he doesn't forget to send money every month. Heh. He's probably still happy about my wormhole research. Ah well. That's probably what he was working on all Christmas… _

Stuck between boredom and having no immediate use for his base-screws, Dib decided to delve into Zim's personal files, otherwise neglected until now. At some point Dib would have looked at them, but the structure of the base occupied his time, and it wasn't until Zim became so adamant that Dib not look, that Dib became curious. Dib sat at a nearby console and wondered why Zim had waited so long to warn. _Maybe he thought I'd already seen them_, he thought, _but I told him I hadn't._

Dib opened the general files, sifted them, sorted them, invaded them...

**-**

Zim thought he felt something press into his arm. It moved to his chest and wiggled around for a bit before settling and wrapping itself around his neck. It was cold, but then it became warm.

_So heavy. Go away heavy thingy. I'm dreaming of..._

"Gir!" Dib hissed silently. Gir looked up from his new bed...Zim. "Come here," Dib ordered sternly. "Now."

Gir pouted and gently rolled off his master, coming to a stop at Dib's feet and looking up pathetically. "Gir," Dib whispered, "you can't do that okay? You're too heavy, understand?" Gir nodded and looked back at Zim as he repositioned himself in his cozy blanket. All thoughts of the heavy intruder melted away into his dream.

"Go watch TV downstairs." Gir tip-toed into the kitchen and disappeared. He wasn't as stupid as Dib formerly thought. He grasped the basic concept of what was happening to his master, and now that the two had reformed the semblance of their previous relationship, Gir became a little overprotective of Zim and tried to watch him constantly, even if it meant crawling into his bed at night, or like now, cuddling up to him like a puppy.

Their reconciliation left Dib with little solitude.

_Shit, what do I do now? Okay, only two options. Pretend that I never saw what I saw, or two, tell Zim the truth._

If everything happened for a reason, Dib thought, then perhaps this was best, yet it would mean certain changes would have to be made and secrets would have to be put to rest. Dib would not live his life guarding such a burdensome secret, and as a compassionate person, he didn't want Zim to live that life either. He regarded Zim, and judging that he wasn't going to wake anytime soon, he let his eyes linger on his face. He wanted to penetrate his skull and get deep down to the core of who Zim was. The delicate antennae draped gently back across his head, sloping like thin tendrils of a vine. He inhaled and exhaled evenly, only hitching now and again as if something in his dreams caught his breath. Dib was frustrated by this observation.

As if on cue, Zim stirred. His dream waned, and he sloughed off sleep wearily as he felt a presence directed at him. His eyes adjusted and he looked at Dib, who more or less stared back, though it was a particularly vacant gaze.

"Dib?" Zim said gruffly. He squinted in the dim room. Dib caught his stare and stumbled over his words to explain why he was staring.

"I...Gir was sleeping on you. I just ran him off." Zim sighed and slid out of the recliner, inadvertently pushing the chair to resume its upright position. The blanket was left, caught in the crack, crushed and forgotten. Zim stretched as he yawned. He felt refreshed, awake, and sadly there was nothing to expend his energy.

"So, good nap?" Dib questioned. Zim sharply faced him but did not reply; instead he made a mental picture of how he might look right now. Disheveled and probably unattractive. He wanted to sulk in peace, so he motioned himself towards the elevator to his room, but Dib stood in his path.

"Wait," he spit out unthinkingly. "It's...uh...there's something I want to ask you."

"Oh?" Zim's antennae raised in curiosity.

"Yeah. Will you..." _Tell me the truth about your mission? _"...would you like to go for a walk?"

Zim regarded him skeptically, glancing towards the window and into the literal wilderness he'd been torn from nearly seven months ago.

"Outside?" Zim asked. "Into the fresh air?" He said this with eagerness, but with restraint, lest Dib was joking to make him look like a fool.

"Yes, outside, into fresh air." Dib awaited the answer to his expedient question. At the last minute he froze. He couldn't bring up the subject of Zim's exile.

Zim's happy eagerness faded into suspicion. "Why would you ask me to go outside? Aren't you afraid I'll run away?"

"Well, no, you're pregnant and I have the base under my _complete _control. Where would you go? You're safe here and this is where you need to be for your health and the baby's. I just want to take you out because I haven't, and maybe I've felt a little guilty about it." _Yeah, not until an hour ago_, Dib thought. _Wow, I sure can bull shit!_

"I find it hard to believe that you were ever guilty about imprisoning me in my own base...or getting me pregnant, or...OR...well that's all I can think of for now! OH! but Dib you'll rue the day you put your filthy seed into my body!" Zim swiftly went to the elevator. He added, "I'll be back," and went below, Dib assumed, to change out of the robe he was wearing and prepare for the trek outside. Dib sat on the sofa to make a mental map of where he would take Zim. Of course he hadn't planned this, as it had been a horrible cover-up of his indecision, but now that it was said, it gave Dib the opportunity to at least appease Zim.

Fresh air was something he could have indulged on the alien. He had the means to control him. God knows Zim had a million devices in his lab for that purpose, but Dib had been selfish and never considered him, only the baby, but as he had said, it would be good for the baby. Now Zim was a little over seven months pregnant, well on his way to birth, and as last months exam had shown, the baby was growing very well...very, very well.

Dib thought about his baby's specifics, what he looked like, what he would be...

Zim appeared wearing an overcoat and his usual clothes; he seemed ready to go. Dib ordered the computer to give Zim a disguise, one that neither had seen in a long time. When Zim slipped on the contacts and adjusted the wig, Dib felt a rush of nostalgia that made him crack a small smile, thankfully unnoticed by Zim.

Besides from being pregnant, Zim looked exactly the same.

"Where are we going?" Zim asked as they left the house. Dib replied that they would just walk around, but since it was cold out, they probably wouldn't stay out for long. He even ventured to say that they might drop by his house to say hello to Gaz, or his dad if he was there. Zim nodded, but quickly lost himself in the splendor of the day. The sky was blue and the sun was bright, even for this winter day, and it's loveliness shone on the old snow to create tiny prisms that refracted as one passed by. For the first time Zim felt the air, _earth _air, and relished it.

Earth never seemed as magnificent as it did now, unguarded and sleeping in winter. Dib saw Zim quietly regard everything from the corner of his eye.

Dib chanced a suggestion, "Let's go to the park."

"The big park in the city?"

"No, just the small one a few blocks away. There are a few swings and benches, not much."

"I didn't know there was a park near here."

Dib laughed, "Well, I guess you didn't care to look. I remember playing there when I was little. I think I looked for Bigfoot there a few times, but I gave up after I realized he would hide in the woods not in some tiny park."

"Do you actually believe in this Bigfoot? What is the fascination with such a creature? Perhaps it is only an undiscovered animal, yet you humans have glorified it as this paranormal phenomenon."

Completely surprised at Zim's sudden gush of conversation, Dib replied, "I don't know why some people like me look for Bigfoot. I looked for aliens, and not a lot of people believe they exist, and here you are." Dib shrugged. The park was coming into view. "I think people like to explore and find new things. Maybe in the beginning you Irkens were simply explorers before becoming conquerors."

"Hmm, perhaps." Zim mulled over Dib's words as they entered the empty park. Snow was still on the seats of the swings and on the benches. Even though the air was cold, it was nice enough to play. They had the good fortune of being the first to break in the park on this day. Dib swept the snow off of one bench with his gloved hand and sat, inviting Zim to do the same. They enjoyed relative silence for a few moments. Zim wanted to inhale the air.

"I want to do this more often Dib-human."

"What? Walk around?"

"Yes, outside. I have lacked the energy for exercise, something I did regularly. Now I feel—"

"Feel what?" Zim shook his head negatively. "I've said too much."

"You haven't said enough," Dib added to the remark. "You know, you can tell me anything."

"What does that mean?"

"It means just what it means." Dib crossed his arms for warmth. "I want to know how you feel about not being able to take over earth anymore. I've taken your base and all your resources. What will you do after you've had the baby?"

"Perhaps I'll leave you and the child...unless you plan to keep me stranded. Will you give me my Voot so I can, or will I have to kill you with simple earth weapons? They're certainly potent enough."

Dib spat back, "Don't threaten me. I'll give you your stupid ship. You know I'm surprised that after all these months you haven't accepted the baby. I was hoping that you would." Dib's scowl faded into a sad frown. "I was hoping for something more than this."

Zim was looking at the snow. "Hoping for what?" he said softly.

"I don't know. Maybe that you would stop trying to take over the earth, or realize that it's not right to do that. It's not right." Dib's voice faded to a whisper. "I remember when we first met, and I automatically assumed you were here to do something bad or that you were a monster. What would it be like if you weren't here to destroy us?"

"I don't think about ifs Dib-human. Stop making conjectures."

"Sorry," Dib sighed. "I guess it's a silly human sentiment, or mine I guess. I try to find the best in people, so maybe I wanted to find it in you." Zim scoffed, stood, and walked a little distance to observe some of the park's entertainment devices. He'd seen human children using these often, but he never really used them himself, save the odd game of tether ball, which he detested. He could feel Dib's eyes on him. He hated that feeling. More than anything, he wanted to run away from this confining park and back to the base.

What if other humans saw him? He looked male, but he was pregnant. There was no denying his surface, and deep inside, he was worried about his looks and how others perceived him. Zim walked to the swings and slapped at their cold chains, knocking some snow out of the tiny links between. He had never really been concerned with how he looked, why now?

Zim swept his eyes over Dib. _Dib_. What did Dib think of him? Did he think he was hideous? Grotesque? Or sublime? Perhaps he found something pleasurable in his silken antennae, his vivacious eyes, or his smooth, creamy, fragrant skin. Dib himself seemed very attractive in the snowy setting. He was pale and the snow on the ground seemed to absorb his body, and were it not for the black clothing, he would disappear into thin air.

And now Dib was talking about sentiment. What good did Dib need to find?

_I'm not a bad person_, Zim thought. _I'm just a bad soldier, a bad Invader...why would anyone think I'm a bad person?_

Zim shook off the surge of hormones that told him to go to Dib.

"I want you to tell me Dib," Zim said suddenly. "What do you really think of me right now? Do I repulse you?"

Dib answered truthfully, "No."

"And do you hate me?"

"Not at the moment." Zim huffed and turned his attention to the swings. "So where do you suppose I'll go after the baby is born, that is, if you still give me my Voot."

"I guess you'll go back home, to Irk." Zim caught the swing's chain in his hand.

"What if I can't go back?" Zim asked softly.

"I don't know then. Stay here?"

Zim didn't say anything. This conversation bordered on too sensitive a subject.

Dib, on the other hand, felt the subject flow into the necessary position.

"Why are you doing this Zim? Why are you doing this to yourself?"

Zim, confused, began to walk back to Dib, though he hovered a few feet away.

"I'm not doing anything to myself. What are you talking about?"

"Doesn't this seem so empty to you? Living this...lie?" Dib sucked in the cold air as soon as he realized his tactless delivery. This lie. _Lie_.

"Lie, I am not living…oh, _no_, you…" Zim was struck speechless. He gave Dib a very hurt expression, his brows were knitted and he held his hand to his heart, twisting his open coat angrily to battle the urge to lash out. Oh, how he wanted to lash. He felt his squeedily-spooch twist, his heart constrict, and something in the deepest part of himself roared violently against the emotion, the trauma of the truth.

With a shaky voice Zim painfully cried, "You read my files? You saw?"

"I did," Dib simply said. "Zim, I'm—"

"No! NO! Don't say anything. I have to go." Zim began walking, though he knew not where. His mind was a blur, his body and mind agreed on the pain, and it raged in him with each uneasy step. Dib was right beside him as they disturbed the snow, made it dirty.

Dib began to babble, "Zim, I had to see. Did you think I'd never look?"

"I ASKED YOU NOT TO!" Zim finally turned all of his hormonal anger against Dib; it was something he wanted to do from day one, and now he was so blind to reason that he welcomed the rush of rage in his Irken veins. His blood boiled. With an unholy shriek Zim struck Dib across the face, simultaneously knocking him down and straddling his hips. He was on top, heavy with child, and he slammed one fist into Dib's cheek, then his lips, and then pulling his hair, he lifted Dib's head and smashed it back down into the cold, wet snow.

Dib got a grip on Zim's elbow and roughly pulled all of his weight off of him. Zim was tossed to the side and instantly tried to recover, but Dib was more clearheaded and locked Zim's arms behind him in a tight grip, one that Zim could easily escape, but the situation proved to be too much for the alien, who suddenly gave up his wrath and sank into piteous tears, both hormonal and genuine.

He cried for all the lies and the burden so suddenly lifted off of his small shoulders.

Dib knew. He finally knew. And he was still by his side, wrapping warm arms around him and trying to console him with kind words. The words were blurred to Zim, but the tone—whispered, hushed, sympathetic—reached his receptive antennae.

"I'm sorry, Zim. I'm so, so sorry."

Zim's voice cracked, "S-stop saying y-you're sorry. You…you're not sorry."

"I won't say it anymore. Come on, let's go h—" Zim swallowed something thick in his throat. He felt the last tears fall from his eyes. He wanted to wash this feeling away.

Dib finished his sentence, finished the word that defined _who_ he was and _where_ Zim was.

"Let's go home."

* * *

tbc. 


	11. The Blessed Event

**AN**: Long chapter, angst, and by the chapter's title, well, I guess you can tell what else. Reposted to fix an error with a repeated paragraph. Thanks Yume no Zencho! I've had the worst problems with this for some reason. I've reposted this chapter three times to fix my paragraph error and other punctuation annoyances. I apologize to anyone who's getting tired of this chapter.

_Some Kind of Crazy Love Potion_

Chapter 11

"The Blessed Event"

"Will you...at all?"

"No." Zim set his mouth in a severe frown. Lips shut.

And that was all Dib could fish from Zim for several days. _Will you talk to me Zim, at all? Let's talk about this...secret._ Each day was a menace. It lurked behind Zim like an open wound, one that could be aggravated and infected. His open wound was his exposed secret.

Zim crossed his arms and refused to make eye contact with Dib who was trying to catch his own red eyes in a stare. Zim felt it. Dib was trying to scare him, taunt him, hurt him. Now knocked from his pedestal, metaphorically and literally, Zim was suddenly aware of just how much this revelation embarrassed him. Oh, even more than that, it hurt his stubborn pride and ego to know that Dib had everything now.

He had his base.

He had his body.

Now, his past, present, and future.

Everything that he ever considered his had been touched by Dib. He was defiled.

"So, now that I know all this, I guess we'll have to change things around here." Dib took a sip of his soda, shifting his eyes away from Zim. It was obvious Zim hated his gaze.

"What kind of changes?" Zim asked unexpectedly from the kitchen table.

"I dunno. Things between us. I can't keep you here knowing what I know."

Zim lifted an antenna curiously. "Oh? So you'll give my base back?"

Dib calculated Zim's demeanor. He _would _be eager to get his base back; it was his home after all. But something uneasy settled in Dib's gut, and it gave him the instinct _not _to trust Zim just yet.

Dib simply replied, "No."

"But...but you just said you can't keep me here!" Dib shrugged.

Zim stiffened and pushed away from the table. The chair scratched hard on the floor due to his weight. Zim stood and stretched his spine, bulging his pregnant protrusion out and cracking the bones in his back. Dib cringed at the sound, but Zim seemed pleased at the effect. He wanted to bend his spine down, but his damned belly wouldn't let him. Dib got up and threw his finished soda in the trash, and Zim headed for the living room. He took a few steps towards the couch, but he suddenly felt like walking around when each step sent a pleasing sensation up his legs and into his abdomen.

Dib noticed Zim's confusion when he paced to the couch, turned, and walked in an irregular pattern across the room.

_Eh, he's just confused that I won't give him the base yet_. _I'm surprised he isn't angrier. _Dib opened the cabinets to find something for dinner. He rifled through the boxes and cans and pulled out a box of instant mashed potatoes. _Ok, what goes with mashed potatoes? Little green peas, something with meat..._

About an hour later Dib had whipped up a classic meal. Mashed potatoes, peas, fresh bread, and what looked like Zim to be...well, he didn't know what it was, but it smelled good.

"It's meatloaf, _not _like the kind at school, but the good kind." Dib grinned and dug into the still hot loaf. Zim questioned the aesthetics of the "meat loaf" but since it had a favorable odor, he decided to try it, and on the first bite, he fell in love.

"You know," Dib said with a mouthful of peas, "this is the first time we've eaten together in a long time." He swallowed. "I think Gaz was here last time." Dib smiled directly at Zim, who only frowned in return. He did not see the significance of eating together.

Dib ignored the frown. It was one of the first traits that Dib had learned to live with. Zim wasn't always a pleasant person to be around, and Dib accounted that seemingly anti-social behavior with the fact that Zim lived alone and had, in a sense, always been alone as a soldier. Everything came together now. Zim never had parents. He was raised and taught by machines, he came from a place that disregarded individuality and praised collectivity, and most importantly, he was never taught the importance of sympathy or love. Dib knew that Zim knew what love and friendship was, but when the necessities of the emotions failed to have a practical application in his Invader lifestyle, then what was the purpose of remembering or acknowledging them?

Dib was torn. Zim wasn't a bad person nor he was a good person; he was sitting there eating his meatloaf like a person who'd grown up eating meatloaf. Zim was ingrained with beliefs handed down for thousands of years: conquer. Conquer. That was it. The end all. Being an Invader put one apart from the mass of Irkens, most of whom would never become more than technicians or low caste battle soldiers sent in droves to war like a plague of locusts.

But Zim became something. He became an Invader because he wanted attention and praise and glory. Did he care that people died? Probably not. That made him a bad person, but wanting affection certainly made him more human than Dib could ever imagine.

_But_, Dib wondered, _where is his affection?_

That aside (affection being low on Dib's list of things to do with Zim) Dib began thinking of the baby and the few months that remained. First of all, he had to work with the computer to set up the birthing process (that being at the top of the list). He certainly had to get Zim in for some more tests to see what kind of painkillers would be acceptable, for they would certainly be necessary, and when it came to drugs, there was no room for error with the half-human, half-Irken baby.

Zim probably would not care, but Dib also thought of names for their son.

Every name that came to him seemed either inappropriate or stupid and other various adjectives in between. Dib caught himself daydreaming about his son and how it would affect his life. School was no problem. _I'm a genius!_ Dib said often, to himself, and as his father already accepted his "independent study," Dib knew that employment would be no factor.

Which reminded him. _Hehe, better give dad some more wormhole specs._

Then..._Oh crap! How will I tell dad I have a son...who's half alien? Wait, I'm...I'm going to be a father! I haven't thought about that yet either! I mean, I have, but it hasn't really settled until now. _Dib put away the leftover meal. _What if I'm a bad father? Nah. I'll be fine. Just...my life will be put on hold. And what if dad...no, can't think about bad things. Dad would never hurt someone, not even his half-alien grandchild, I hope, but there's always a chance. I should tell him as soon as possible. _

_That means exposing Zim though. _Dib glanced nervously at Zim, who finally sat to watch TV. _Well, he no longer has a say in this. This baby is more important than him. After this Zim can do whatever the hell he wants. I'll give his base back and maybe his spaceship so he can leave if..._

Something deep inside Dib snapped. It was a fluttering in his stomach like he was falling in a too lucid dream. Zim, in the corner of his eye. Zim, so, so unhappy. Dib knew there was nothing he could do to make Zim happy or make him care about his own child, and when he left, which he would, he would leave behind earth and never think about it again. Dib would be left all alone with a single reminder of Zim, their child, who would grow up and eventually ask where he came from, who he came from, and then, where would the answers be? It might be easier for Zim to leave, not caring, but it was so much harder on Dib who cared too much.

Dib didn't want Zim to leave. He needed Zim to stay. He _needed _Zim. Period.

_Wow, that's...that's a weird feeling._

_

* * *

Zim was glad Dib left for the day, but even more so, glad that Dib left the front door unlocked. It was a gesture that was not lost on Zim, who fumbled with the idea of leaving or staying inside. Now that Dib offered him freedom, __unattended _freedom, he was afraid. Zim was glad Dib left for the day, but even more so, glad that Dib left the front door unlocked. It was a gesture that was not lost on Zim, who fumbled with the idea of leaving or staying inside. Now that Dib offered him freedom, freedom, he was afraid. 

Zim growled to himself. _Dib's messed me up. Made me scared of going out! Well, I'm going anyway...I'll go...I'll go somewhere! Yes! I'll leave for good. I don't need Dib and this stupid base anyway. _

_HA! Dib will rue the day he set me free! _Zim's frown turned to a wicked grin, teeth bared wide. He laughed and ignored the empty echo in the living room, ignored the harshness of the sound against his antennae. Turning the knob, Zim opened the door and stepped out with new intent.

About a block and a half later, Zim stumbled over a crack in the sidewalk and fell, scraping his hand to catch himself. He was suddenly jarred more awake than he already was, and the baby got a rush of adrenaline from his "mother," causing him to kick wildly. Zim hated when the baby kicked. It woke him from sleep, disturbed him while he ate and watched TV, and just plain creeped him out.

"Stop!" he barked at his belly but to no avail. Dusting himself off, Zim began walking while trying to ignore his baby's incessant presence.

Zim found himself alone on the sidewalk. The sky was blue, the sun shining, and the spring birds chirped from blooming trees. Flowers were blooming.

Life was happening, and Zim wasn't paying attention.

His scratched hand throbbed. _That's what I get for not wearing gloves! _Zim scolded himself and watched the scrape ooze a little blood. The very sight of his own green thick life made him sick and the bushes creeping over the sidewalk received his breakfast, lunch, and every snack in between...and the taste in his mouth! It was an amalgam of every flavor, disgusting. Feeling instantly drained of what little energy he had today, Zim sighed and turned back. He felt like his feet were dragging, but the sensation of walking felt good.

A light breeze swept over him. This feeling in his body, up his legs, across his abdomen, deep inside him...something twitched and it wasn't the baby kicking like he usually did. No, this was different. Zim lay a hand on the lump, wondering what was going on. Nothing dire occurred to him until he was a block from the base when a sharp pain hit him hard. He swooned and almost passed out, but he kept himself up by sheer will.

Ow. That was all he could think. Pure, plain hurt.

_Well_, Zim thought as he reentered the base, _I haven't moved around that much in months_.

Zim tried to convince himself that the pain was caused by the very short distance he had walked, and he supplanted his uneasiness with anger. It was just his luck that the first time he was out by himself something had to go wrong. Dib, of course, was at fault. By leaving him free, the human had jinxed him. Zim pouted briefly before succumbing to a sudden tiredness.

The little recliner in the corner received him. Zim curled up and fell asleep for what seemed like an eternity, but when he awoke, Dib was home and in reality it had only been about two hours. Feeling strangely refreshed, Zim slid off the chair and felt the hot blood in his body instantly rush to his head and course swiftly in his veins. Dib was half awake on the sofa and the news on the TV was muted.

Zim gave him a fleeting glance and Dib, who observed him with a lazy eye, watched Zim in return.

"Did you go out any?" Dib asked, seemingly uninterested.

"Yes, I did." Zim said with a hint of smugness.

"Where did you go?"

Zim huffed. "None of your business. You don't own me, Dib, smelly human. So where did you go? Giving my technology to your stupid—AH!"

"Whoa!" Dib jumped off the couch at the sound and at the gush of liquid coming from Zim who screamed at the unusual occurrence.

"Zim, stop, your water broke...I think." That only got more screaming.

"WATER? AHHHH!" Zim sobbed as he stepped away from the puddle, but it was already all over him. He was at a loss for more words, so he made piteous whines as Dib led him into the medlab.

"Zim calm down. I think you're in labor." _But about four months premature_, Dib added to himself.

"Mmm," Zim moaned. "It hurts." He felt the same spasm from earlier but substantially dulled.

"Come on, let's get to the medlab."

Zim shook his head no several times, backing away from Dib as he approached.

"Zim, come on!" With each stubborn step, the pain flared like a fire being fed dry sticks.

It burst with sudden violence, and all he could remember was Dib's arms around him.

* * *

_Zim, Zim, Zim…_

Zim heard a familiar voice. He tried to move, but he felt wobbly and weird. He was cold.

"Zim? Hey, you're awake. Don't try to move, the computer's already given you an epidural, just relax, okay?"

"Wha—" Zim moaned. "Epi—dur—"

"Epidural. Sssh." Zim felt something warm on his forehead. It smoothed back his antennae gently before leaving him bereft of the welcome sensation. The touch on his antennae aroused him some and allowed him to awaken more and open his eyes even wider. Dib was absorbed in looking at a console. Zim then realized why he was cold; his clothing had been removed and replaced by a lavender gown. Medlab.

_I'm in the medlab_, Zim thought. _Why? Oh, I passed out from…_Zim hissed from a sudden prick of pain in his abdomen. He tried to sit up, but Dib caught him and pushed him back down.

"I'm cold, Dib-human." Zim's teeth chattered as proof.

Without hesitation, Dib ordered a warm blanket, which he draped over a very thankful Zim.

"Am I hurt?"

"No, just in labor. I should have thought about last month's exams more. The computer said the baby was developing much faster than it had anticipated. Weird. I was just thinking about the pictures of him earlier today, you know, about how he looks." Dib smiled, but Zim did not return the sentiment.

Dib continued. "I would have ordered the computer to perform a caesarian, but I didn't want to cut you open without your permission. How do you want to do this?"

"I don't want to be cut open," Zim whispered, mesmerized by the strange half-numbness tinged with tiny spikes of pain gracing his body.

"Okay, uh, the old fashioned way then. Good thing you can't feel anything."

"On the contrary," Zim suddenly spat, "I felt pain just now."

"That's probably because the computer gave you the lowest level of painkillers it had. It said that the Irken drugs would probably hurt the baby, being half-human, but a little wouldn't hurt him. You on the other hand, might have to put up with a little pain."

"How long will this take?"

"Computer, what's his status?" Dib asked.

"Scans indicate he is in labor, but I cannot determine the dilation."

Frustrated, Dib yelled, "_Determine_ it then!" As the computer raised the bed to set Zim almost in a sitting position, Zim felt a pressure in his belly, and as he spread his legs for the computer's probing arm, he felt the pressure grow and then silence suddenly. His feet were suspended in the stirrups used for the horrible, intrusive exams, but his entire angle was pointed down, thankfully, and he didn't feel so exposed as before. He'd never seen any humans giving birth, or Irkens, so he was partly curious and mortified about the experience. At any rate, he knew the baby would be coming out the same way it came in.

In as Dib's sperm and out as their baby through his narrow alien vagina.

_Good_, Zim thought, _the sooner the better_.

"Zim is dilated approximately eleven centimeters."

"Wow!" Dib exclaimed. "I think you're ready. You slept through most of your contractions too, which was like, all of ten minutes." Dib laughed despite the situation.

"Wait? Contractions? What's that? What does this meeeean?" Zim whined, and Dib grinned at his familiar, but annoying, behavior. Zim suddenly he felt the pressure come back; he felt the urge to push, a small pain blossomed. He pushed involuntarily but tried to stop the reaction which only caused the small pain to increase.

Dib asked of the grimace on Zim's face. "You okay?"

"It feels weird. I want to push...something."

"That's a contraction. Computer can he push yet?" Dib excitedly jumped to Zim's side and held one bent knee. Zim was in agony over Dib's gleeful attitude, but when he was given permission to push, he leaned forward over his bulging belly, as if to press the baby out, and pushed with nearly numb muscles. Somehow it seemed natural to turn on those muscles; it seemed natural to feel that pressure and to feel something move inside him.

"Come on," Dib said, "push hard." Zim took in a breath and pushed again. Nothing came out. Once, twice…several times later, the baby was hardly out. Zim was already exhausted. Perhaps it would have been easier to let the computer slice him open and tear the thing out.

Zim collapsed back onto the bed. "I can't do this, it's too hard."

"No, no!" Dib pulled him back up by his shoulders and looked into his weary red eyes. "You're not done and you're not giving up, you hear me? Push!" Zim's antennae reared back angrily. A good sign. "Push Zim or I'll stick my hand up you and pull it out!"

"What!"

"I'm kidding!" Dib yelled back. "Please, I know it's hard." Dib moved to stand in front of him to see the computer's arms working under the blanket.

Dib desperately wanted to see his baby being born. He wanted to unveil Zim's body to see new life come into this world. He wanted to receive him in his arms, not the cold robotic hands. Dib ordered the computer to prepare a sterile bath, which, like most things in the base, popped up from the floor next to him. He dipped his hands in the solution and dried his hands on the towel provided, and then, slipping his hands into a pair of gloves, gently grabbed the hem of the blanket. Dib ordered the robotic arms away.

Zim quit working. Their eyes met for a heated moment. Dib tested him and lifted the blanket a little, working upwards against Zim's passivity. Zim breathed heavily as Dib folded the blanket behind his crooked knees, and still, their eyes were locked to each other. Dib moved forward more and placed each hand on Zim's knee, each moving down into his inner thigh, and still, their eyes were locked. Dib swallowed a gush of saliva before he told Zim to push. He then looked down to the spot that existed for this very purpose. It was swollen and the inner pinkness, now a violent red, flowered out from its green lips in laborious arousal. Dib ignored the fluids that glazed his Irken parts. He only saw the red silken skin already parted to the door, flung wide open.

Dib wanted to touch, but he didn't. He observed something that was half-remembered in the haze of sex on the desk at school. That strange second slit, so tiny, right about the entrance and exit.

It was forgotten as Zim howled out in a harsh push. Dib looked back up, his musings, which only had taken about two seconds, seemed like forever to Zim, whose body was trying its best to expel the presence.

Dib didn't think it would take this long, especially considering he was completely ready. He looked back down and considered his hips. Maybe Zim was able to have a baby, but maybe his body wasn't really designed for this…another push. Zim's mouth was agape, no more groans came from him. He panted. Sweat glazed his body.

"Cut it out, Dib."

"I'm...are you sure?" Dib could see the uncertainty in his red eyes. "Push one more time."

Zim swallowed his pain. Yes _once_ more. With a deep breath he pushed as hard as he could. All energy went into this one action. This one deep thrust from inside pushed at the baby's body. He was being crushed in the cervix, but slowly expelled from his warm prison, Zim's womb, he slid more and more, creeping into the world. Dib grinned when Zim's push crowned their son. Two tiny black antennae were plastered to his head.

"Come on Zim, he's coming. One more time, push!" Zim obeyed. He had no other senses but Dib's leading voice.

Again he pushed.

A gush of blood, fluids, other things followed the infant as Dib received his tiny form. Zim collapsed on the bed, but he was aware of Dib and the crying thing in his arms. Dib looked at the baby, so, so tiny, but vivacious like Zim. The computer swept down, cut the umbilical cord, and immediately began cleaning on Dib's command. He ordered an incubator and reluctantly laid the baby in it for inspection and cleaning. Dib too was covered in some of the afterbirth, but this moment made him forget, not care. All he cared about was the beautiful little creature.

"He looks completely Irken," Zim said gruffly.

"He looks like you," Dib responded with a smile. The computer made quick work of Zim, cleaning him and refitting his gown. It made sure nothing abnormal happened to him in the wake of the birth, but he seemed fine, though very tired.

"I'm glad it didn't take as long as I thought it would," Dib said. He hovered over Zim.

"Ha," Zim spat weakly, "it was longer for me."

"Yeah, I guess." The computer alerted Dib to the newborn, whose vitals were as perfect as his baby pink eyes. Zim said offhandedly that the pink would redden and added that he never had to put up with the inconvenience of such weakness. Dib rolled his eyes and took the baby from the incubator. He was wrapped in a soft blanket.

"Aww," Dib cooed. "He's so cute." The boy blinked his pink eyes, but saw very little besides milky forms. Dib turned to Zim with the bundle and presented their son.

"Do you want to hold him?" Dib asked cautiously.

It _would _be harmless to hold it just once. Zim didn't fear getting attached to the thing. After all, he resolved to do just the opposite, but the presence of the child was tempting and for sheer curiosity Zim allowed Dib to gently lay him in his arms. His weight was light. Zim calculated each feature of his son, each dip of his lip, the curve of his face, the antennae, the eyes...Zim's face crinkled in confusion.

"This child is not male."

"Huh?"

"It is female." Dib peered at his newborn. It looked male, but that was only because the computer had said so and his only good reference was Zim, a paradigm of Irken maleness.

"Why? What do you mean?"

"The antennae are beginning to curl and the eyes have a retro-ocular pupil."

"Oh...huh?" Zim sighed. "Irken females are born with a retro-ocular pupil that allows them to have greater depth perception. The Empire long ago required all soldiers, male and female, to have ocular implants to balance this. I can tell by the deep set pupil." Zim tried to point out the pupil, but it was lost on Dib as he became mesmerized by the many facets in her eyes.

"I guess," Dib began, "the only explanation is that the computer was just going off her body, which from its point of view, is male, by Irken standards...yeah." Dib nodded at his theory.

"Hmm," Zim Zim lifted the girl, a gesture that he was done holding her. Dib took her gently, rocking her naturally.

"Guess I need to think of some new names."

Zim watched Dib hold their daughter lovingly, so happily, as he looked on, alone.

* * *

tbc... 


	12. Some Nice Conflicting Feelings

AN: This story is nearing its conclusion! I appreciate reviews, so come on people!

Some Kind of Crazy Love Potion

Chapter 12

"Some Nice Conflicting Feelings"

He wondered. How should I go? Without a goodbye or with? Leave a note on the kitchen table explaining that this is how it must end, whether he liked it or not. Or tell him that one day he'll understand all the crap that's been done to him. It's a wonderful life lesson that simply becomes better over time. It's a wound that heals.

Dib knew this was just stupid. It shouldn't be this hard to take his newborn daughter, still unnamed, and leave Zim right this moment. It wasn't hard! The door was right there. It was only him and her in this unstable boat. She didn't have a clue, lucky girl, and Zim was still in the medlab healing from the birth, two days prior.

The baby was asleep in a crib and Dib peered down lovingly at her. He had no reservations about raising her. He knew he would do well, especially with the help of Zim's base. The pieces he had stolen could also help him in other areas of his life as well, and the first thing he wanted to do when he got home, after settling in, was to create his own lab, his own space underground to work on things most relevant to him.

His dreams would all come to fruition eventually, but now he had to deal with the present and Zim was the last thing/person standing in his way. Dib ordered the now competent computer to watch the baby as he went downstairs to tell Zim...something. He didn't have any excuses. Excuses meant that something was wrong, and Dib wasn't wrong, or at least _he _didn't think he'd been wrong in the past. He had taken control of this situation and now it was finished.

But Zim would be the one left behind. That was something Dib knew would happen from the start, and now Dib had to make sure the alien knew exactly what would happen.

Or what _could _happen, if Zim wanted it...

It probably would have been a lot easier to tell Zim if he were awake, which he wasn't. Dib felt that all anyone did in this base was sleep lately (himself included). Of course, the past few days had been very tiring, especially for Zim. The computer regulated every blip and beep on the monitors and kept Zim sedated enough to not let his out of control hormones jeopardize the healing that his worn body needed. Dib remembered the unstoppable wave of tears the very first night. Pillows and sheets were soaked with his crying and in the background the baby wailed in response to her "mother's" anguish. Nothing could console Zim, so the only solution was to force him into blissful sleep.

Zim was only lightly sleeping now, despite the drugs, and the blanket covering him was wrinkled and disturbed from the moments that Zim was awake and moving. Dib smoothed the creases and lifted the blanket over Zim's shoulders. It was a neutral gesture. There was no need for Zim to be cold, if he even was, but still, something always got to him when Zim was vulnerable like this. The first time...no, he couldn't think of Zim vulnerable like that but, damn, when a night was long, dreams sometimes became too vivid.

He remembered a simpler time when Zim was tied to his bed. How exciting to think of the chase and the subsequent capture! And how exciting was it when Dib made Zim a prisoner in his own base! All of that had been ruined by the pregnancy. Things had changed, understandably, but Dib liked this changed. He liked Zim where he was, right where he could see him...

_But to what purpose?_ Dib asked himself. _Zim's not an Invader. He's been totally humiliated and by ME! his most hated enemy, or at least that's what he calls me sometimes. I can't leave him this way. We've been through too much, and when he wakes up, I'll say what's in my heart. Wow, I'm so corny. What's in my heart? Okay, what is in my heart? My heart..._

_-_

This is what was in Dib's heart. This is what he told Zim when he finally woke up. Zim listened intently, yet, his body was relaxed. His antennae did not perk as if he was interested, yet his eyes were focused on Dib's.

Dib opened with a simple greeting. "Hey." Zim looked at him.

"So, how are you feeling?"

"Fine."

Dib nodded at Zim's obvious curtness.

"I've wanted to talk to you about something for a long time Zim, but I get so lazy sometimes. I put it off and now I can't avoid it, you know, it's too late to go back now, but that's okay because I don't want to change anything, even though you might want to. You see, it's not that I wanted to hurt you, but I _did _want to, a little. "

Zim's mouth hung open a little, an obvious sign of confusion. "What?"

"Sorry, that came out wrong. Look Zim, I never wanted to hurt you when it came to us and this mess we're in but I know I did by looking through your dumb files and whatever. I know you're embarrassed, but it doesn't matter anymore. You are here."

"I _know _where I am Dib-human." Zim clutched his blanket angrily. "Get on with it!"

"I'm just trying to say I'm sorry for everything, _but_," he added quickly, "not for all the saving the world stuff I had to do."

Zim replied, "And?"

"And...and that's all."

"No it isn't," Zim said cockily. "That's not all you want to say."

"How do you know? What if it is!"

"OH IT ISN'T!" Zim yelled. "You don't have anything to say about what's going to happen now, well let me tell you something you stupid worm monkey, you're just going to burn for this I guarantee it myself." Dib stood where he was, unafraid, as Zim swung himself off the bed. His feet hit the floor, and despite his wobbly stance, he threatened, "I don't need anything by my hands to break your flimsy human neck!"

Dib knew he shouldn't have done it, but he laughed. It was more like a quiet giggle; Zim heard it nonetheless.

"You DARE laugh at Zim!" he yelled with a squeak.

"Please. Look at you. You can barely stand, now get back into bed."

"I will not!" Zim would have torn off the lavender gown in spite but modesty came over him.

"I'm not sick anymore Dib-human, so leave me alone."

"If you get back into bed I'll leave you alone." _For now._

Zim gave Dib a cautious glare, but he obeyed, surprisingly without any help.

"Okay, _leave_." Zim sucked in a breath to ward off the tears that he knew were coming, whether he liked it or not, and he turned his body away from Dib in a pathetic attempt to hide. If he didn't see Dib's face then maybe it would be easier to fight off the violent anger he felt now.

"Before I go," Dib whispered, "I have one more thing to say."

"Say it and go," Zim hissed.

"I will go, Zim, me and the baby. I'm going to leave today and go back home, and when I step out of this house I'll give control back to you."

Zim instantly turned around surprised. "What!"

"What? I'm leaving, that's all. I guess I thought it'd be harder to say, but that wasn't so bad." Dib grinned, but his smile was wiped away when he saw the confusion on Zim's face. It also helped when a tiny tear trickled down his cheek.

"But, I can't be here alone," Zim wailed. "You've ruined me Dib! What do I do?"

"Whatever you want, I guess. I assume you'll leave earth."

"I CAN'T LEAVE YOU MORON!"

"Wha—oh...sorry. I forgot." _Good lie, _Dib thought.

"I can never leave this place on penalty of death. You read it yourself Dib-human." Zim's tears continued but he pressed on with his plight. "If you hadn't looked through my things I wouldn't have to face this humiliation. Why couldn't you let me live in my lie?"

"Because it wasn't right—"

"It's not right that I've been cheated, Dib, that's not right at all. I carried that..._spawn _of yours in me for what felt like an eternity yet I have nothing in the end."

"Don't you think I know that Zim?" Dib stood over Zim and grabbed his shoulder to force him to look into his face. He felt the alien shudder at the touch and he thought that he could smell his salty, sad tears. "I _know_. I wanted to give you an option."

"What option?"

Dib laughed a self-contemptuous laugh. He couldn't believe what he was about to say.

"I want us to be something."

Zim squinted at Dib's sudden inability to speak coherently.

"I mean, we don't have to _be _anything," Dib let Zim go, "but I don't want you to leave because you need to be here, and if you're here, maybe you can _be _something."

"I don't understand. I thought you were going to leave me." Zim said. Dib made a frustrated gesture with his hands; he thrust them in Zim's face in a pathetic attempt to get his point across.

"I was going to leave, and...maybe I will, but what I'm trying to say is that you don't have a place and maybe you could have a place here. _You _don't have to leave."

Zim was silent as he mulled over Dib's proposal. "Are you trying to persuade me to stay for the sake of the smeet?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying, but—"

"You want me to stay because _you _need me?"

Dib nodded confidently. A very tense moment lapsed.

"It's something to think about, Zim." Dib did not wholly believe that his words had any substance, but he was not completely discouraged that they had made Zim _think_.

Thinking is what Zim needed to do now, more than ever.

So many options, but no recourse...save earth.

And Dib.

Dib was already so close to Zim, close enough for Zim to grab his shirt and pull him down into a surprise kiss, so quick that it was like a paper cut that stings a minute after. Zim was full of raging hormones and emotions, and now was his only chance to savor the feelings he repressed for so long.

"Wh—what are you doing?" Dib whispered as Zim broke the kiss, keeping his fingers wound tightly in Dib's shirt.

"Getting my due." Zim's strong arms jerked Dib forward again. He pushed his lips against Dib's to force the human's mouth open. He wanted his alien tongue in that hot, even more alien mouth. He wanted to relive a sensation that haunted his dreams when the baby made his body mad with hormones. Zim dreamt of that day when Dib had him pinned to the desk, writhing with pain and pleasure because he wanted it and because he didn't want it. The chemicals in his body made him remember that day; they were strangely akin to the chemicals in the pesticide, and Zim often wondered through the haze of arousal if Dib ever felt the same things when he was sleeping or sloughing off an errant dream.

But those thoughts were quickly forgotten the moment Zim had to throw up or binge on donuts or day old pizza left in the fridge by Gir. Days, weeks, months...cramped in his base without fresh air until the very end. By then the gesture was useless. Dib hadn't gained much merit.

Oh, but the kiss. The desire his body created for some ridiculous reason. It made no sense!

Why should it linger now when the baby was finally expelled from his body? Zim could only reason that it was some kind of biological thing to keep the mother near the father or something. Maybe sex was a stronger bond than he previously imagined; maybe now it could bond him to Dib.

Zim released Dib from the kiss. He wanted more than this pathetic touch. True it felt good, but his body ached, especially between his legs, and it wasn't the ache of childbirth.

Dib was hovering over him, trying to understand what had just happened. "Did you just get your, uh, due?"

"Not quite," Zim whispered. His red eyes became brighter and they focused on a particular part of Dib's anatomy. It didn't take Dib very long to know that Zim was staring at his crotch, and for his own safety, he backed away.

"Um, well, Zim. I guess I should go--" Zim sat up quickly.

"Wait!" he yelled. "Don't go. Satisfy Zim!" He added very meekly, "Just once."

"As much as I'd like to _not _satisfy you Zim, you just had a baby and I think you're stressed."

"I am stressed Dib-human and I'd appreciate it if you _un_-stressed me." Dib didn't expect to smile at that simple comment, but he did anyway. The computer said he would continue to be hormonal, like during the pregnancy. Dib had handled many of Zim's strange sexual advances before, so this one was no different. Dib ordered the computer to give Zim a light sedative, and as Zim rambled about sex as he drifted off to sleep, Dib caught Zim's light whispers.

"Dib?" Zim said groggily. "You remember?"

"Remember what?"

"You said you love me…do you still…you don't know nothin'." Zim sighed heavily as the drugs pulled him deeper.

"No, guess I don't Zim." Dib watched as Zim fought sleep.

"Oh...you...will...Dib..."

Dib replied gently. "I'm sure you'll remind me." Zim finally fell into a peaceful sleep. The lights in the medlab were low and calming. Dib wanted to sleep too. He put his hand on Zim's brow to give himself some comfort.

Zim was here, and maybe, _just maybe_, he was here to stay.

**_-_**

Waking was a lot easier for Zim when he fell asleep in a place he knew, as opposed to a place he didn't. A few days in the medlab hadn't messed up his sleeping habits, but he hated waking up in all the equipment. He preferred his room much better, and now that he was finally released with a clean bill of health, he was ready to get back into some semblance of a routine that _he_ mastered, not Dib.

Dib finally left the base in his control, but as Zim wandered through the halls, he immediately noticed how empty everything was. Many important weapons facilities and other dangerous labs were missing. Dib was not lying when he said he would take such things, but Zim accepted the loss with a mix sorrow and new-found freedom. Dib knew his horrible secret and now there wouldn't be a tactical need for his base.

It could become a home.

What was a home? Zim had called his base home many times, but it was just a word. Humans were more permanent but an Invader was a nomad. The base was a "home" ready to be picked up and moved to the next mission.

In the bigger picture Zim saw earth as his new home, at least for awhile. He wasn't allowed to leave earth, so said the Tallests, and it was just his luck that deadly space lasers were pointed at him in case he did leave. Zim wasn't ready to move anyway. He was too confused and lost. Where would he go?

Visit Dib? The human had made it very clear visits were _very_ welcome. How was the alien supposed to rationalize such a request? The human knew that he did not want a relationship with their offspring, but seeing Dib would be…pleasant. Yes, pleasant.

So that's where Zim went one day, approximately one week after giving birth.

He showed up on Dib's doorstep and Gaz answered the door just as she was leaving the house. She was not alone, as Zim noticed. In tow was a very giddy Keef. Arm in arm they left, but not before Gaz directed Zim to Dib's location. Luckily for Zim, Keef was too enthralled with Gaz's presence that he didn't shout, "Heya Zim!" or something equally annoying. Zim entered the house and shut the door behind him.

It was eerily quiet for a home at 3 o'clock on a beautiful Saturday afternoon.

Zim quietly tread up the stairs. He remembered exactly where Dib's room was, and he peered in cautiously. Dib was typing at his computer. In the corner was a crib made of a deep stained wood. Zim wasn't sure how he should make himself known, but the thing in the crib awoke and alerted Dib, who immediately turned his head towards the sound and inadvertently caught a glimpse of Zim standing in the doorway.

Dib acknowledged him with a look as he picked up the crying baby. She had simply woken up and was hungry for attention. Dib rocked her gently and she cooed her pleasure at being held.

"Hey Zim."

Zim didn't answer. He was eyeing the bundle in Dib's arms.

"I probably know the answer to this but…do you want to hold her, just for a bit?"

"Maybe."

Dib grinned. "Sit on the bed." Zim sat and Dib gently handed over the child. Zim let her nestle into the natural crooks of his arms. She was a welcome weight in his lap. Her big Irken eyes, now a deep red, blinked up at her "mother."

"I'm surprised you got by Keef without getting pulled into a dumb conversation. You know, him and Gaz are dating thanks to that pesticide thing. Lot's of weird stuff happened because of that stuff."

"I know," Zim said sarcastically. "What is her name?"

"Ima. Gaz named her. Do you like it?"

"It is…acceptable. Why didn't you name her?"

"I couldn't think of one. Gaz said Ima, and I liked it. Actually, I said it sounds like an old lady's name, but she punched me and that ended that discussion. I do love Ima though. She's so cute."

Zim glared at her perking antennae. "Yes, she is cute. Like the Peepi monster."

"I guess. She looks like you." Ima's fingers were flailing with her arms and Dib took great delight when she curled her fingers around his finger. She shook it like a toy and babbled little baby sounds.

"Ba ba ba" she cooed. Zim sighed and relinquished Ima to Dib's care. He cradled her, hoping that she would go back to sleep. She had been up all night crying, but she finally slept for a few hours, waking just now. She would soon need to be changed and fed. It was a routine Dib was trying to prepare to face for the next few years.

"What did your father say about her?" Zim asked.

"Let's just say he was happy I was reproducing."

"What about the fact that she's an alien?"

"I told him the mother had a skin condition." Dib smirked at Zim's incredulous pout. "Don't worry, I didn't say who the mother was. You're safe from being exposed. So, why are you here?"

"You said I could visit, so I am…visiting."

"She's asleep." Dib lay Ima back in the crib. "Do you want to go downstairs?" Dib asked. Zim shook his head no. Dib turned back to Ima for a moment. "We'll have to be quiet then," he warned, but when he turned around, Zim had removed his disguise and placed it in his pak.

"Zim?" Dib asked of Zim's seemingly pained expression. "Are you okay?"

Zim shook his head no, again. "You know why I'm here."

Dib swallowed. "Yeah."

"Would you?"

"Zim, I can—"

"Just once!" Zim whispered harshly. "It's not much to ask. I _need_ this Dib-human. My body is out of control. Why can't you give this to me?" Zim's red eyes were so pathetic and pleading. Dib wanted to comfort him, but he didn't know if he could.

"Couldn't your computer help you?"

Zim snarled. "I didn't want it to help me. I wanted _you_ to do it."

Dib laughed and smiled despite the situation.

"You're serious about this?"

Zim answered as if he were holding his breath for a thousand years. "Yes."

_Well, I did tell Zim I wanted us to be something…let's just see if I can live up to my word._

* * *

_tbc..._


	13. Always Use Protection

**AN:** I apologize for the delay in this chapter.

Some Kind of Crazy Love Potion

Chapter 13

"Always Use Protection"

_Dib was surprised at the end result of his and Zim's **not** so sudden coupling..._

Zim sat on the bed, still pleading for Dib's pity, and it came when Dib relented. Part of the release was Dib's acceptance of his changed body. Zim's heart raced when Dib began to peel away his clothes to reveal soft green skin tinged with heat and desire. Each barely there brush of Dib's skin against his own sent a wave of chills up his spine and into the very sensitive nerve receptors in his pak. Zim had been afraid that Dib would be disappointed with his post-partum body, but Dib seemed to find great interest in his rounder body. He was supple, yet firm.

Dib whispered near his antennae, "Are you sure?"

"Very," Zim replied in an exhale. Dib smiled and began to purposely touch Zim in places he knew would be very receptive. Slowly and gently his hands roamed until one hand found its way to Zim's most sensitive place, the spot he needed remedied. Hearing Zim's tiny gasp of pleasure gave Dib courage to explore the place between his legs. He didn't penetrate, only grazed and scraped, lightly pinched and caressed. Dib found himself becoming harder and harder, his pants becoming tighter and tighter.

A small unsure kiss sealed their fate. Another deeper kiss brought them falling to the bed.

Each instinctively remembered the other's taste. Dib was warm and sweet, Zim hot and sweeter to the tongue. Dib broke away to move to Zim's neck and as he did, a curious thought entered his mind. There was a feeling of forgetting something.

_I'm...there's something that I'm missing_, he thought. Then it finally hit him.

"Shit," he said rudely into Zim's neck.

"What?" the alien asked breathlessly. Dib lifted up and looked into his eyes.

"We have to stop."

Zim was indignant. "Why? You said you would--"

"Sssh. I will, but I don't have any protection. I don't want to get you pregnant again."

"Oh. Zim does not wish to be pregnant again either." Zim paused.. "What is this protection you speak of. Is it a weapon?" Dib smirked at the question.

"No. Just lay here and I'll be right back." Dib slid off the bed, leaving Zim naked, as he went straight to his father's room to search for condoms. He was not surprised to leave empty handed, so he gave Gaz's room a search. Nothing. He was actually thankful that he didn't find any in her room. What an awkward moment that would have been!

Dib refused to have sex without protection, so the only option was to go to the convenience store. It was more than a comfortable walking distance. Dib told Zim to get dressed.

"We're going on a little trip."

**-**

Zim looked out the car window to ease his mind. Maybe that blur of a tree would distract him from the feelings he now had to suppress. Certainly he came close to getting laid and Dib further helped his body reach new realms of wanting, but suddenly stopping, getting dressed, putting a squirming smeet in her car-seat, and driving to the store was not his idea of a perfect evening.

The sun and the darkening horizon were beautiful though. _Earth is nice_, Zim thought.

Ima was sucking on a plastic toy thing and looking at the back of Zim's disguised head. She had no disguise of her own. Frankly no one cared that she was green or had antennae or that she was only a week or so old and could hold her head up with the coordination of a one year old. Dib said she was precocious and Zim added smartly, "Only because she is part Irken." Dib assented to the truth. Ima could probably learn to walk in the next few months because of her anatomy. She did not have the stocky human baby fat, rather, she was compact and slim, more like a tiny version of Zim.

Dib tried to make small talk on the way to the store, but Zim was not very receptive. He was quiet more than silently defiant (as he usually was).

"Are you tired?" Dib asked of Zim.

"No."

"Okay."

"Want anything?" Dib asked when he parked at the store.

"No." Dib sighed and nervously entered the small convenience store. Thankfully no one was pumping gas or was browsing the short aisles stocked with various brands of soda, candy, gum, maps, keychains, and the like. Dib did not want to be seen buying condoms, especially by anyone he knew. The taunts would be endless. He had never bought the wonderful contraptions before, so he wasn't quite sure which size to get; in the end he grabbed the regular sized ones and paid for them (thankfully without a blush). The cashier, an older woman, barely looked up from her magazine to acknowledge what or who was buying. Dib could have bought beer for all she knew.

Back in the car Dib found Zim playing with the radio, switching rapidly through the channels. Ima was cooing and giggling at the franticly changing sounds. Pop, country, jazz, rap, classical...all blurred together into a hideous noise that she found very amusing.

Dib chuckled at her cute giggles. "I love you Ima," he said absently starting the car.

Zim slightly frowned at Dib's gushy feelings. Of course he did not care that the human had a lot of affection/love/devotion/lots-of-other-stuff towards his smeet, but the fact that Dib gave his feelings so freely and without reciprocation amazed him. After all, Dib and he planned to have sex later, an act that Dib agreed to do for no particular price or reason, other than the fact that Zim begged.

Dib is the most super nice person in the whole world!

_Yes, Dib is doing this because he is too good for his own...good_, thought Zim as the car drove them home. _I will use him for sex like any sane person would do, then I will...I will...do something! _

Zim pondered his intentions with Dib in the future as the car pulled into the garage.

"Shit," Dib said in a low breath, so as not to harm Ima's innocent ears. She seemed to have heard, thus her strange accusing laugh.

"What is it?" Zim asked with a pout. Dib saying "shit" again was not good.

"My dad's home," he pointed to his father's car. Zim had not noticed the empty spot earlier.

"So?"

"We can't have se--do _it_--while my dad is here. That's just weird."

"Then we will go to my base. Leave the child with your father."

Dib frowned at the plan, even though it was the only option, so the three entered the house to confront Professor Membrane with a sudden babysitting job.

Membrane chuckled as he watched _Random TV Show _on channel 22. He enjoyed his free time and wasted it solely on TV or playing with hand puppets shaped in his image.

"Hey dad," Dib greeted with Ima perched happily in his arms.

"Son! Granddaughter! And...guest! Who might this be, Dib?" Membrane arched a brow at the green boy who seemed so familiar, both to his memory and similar to his little Ima.

"This is Zim, remember, from school?"

"Ah yes, the foreign boy. May I make an observation in saying that you seem to be afflicted with the same skin condition as my granddaughter here?"

"Oh, yes," Zim spoke softly, nervously. "It seems so."

"Hmm. Dib?" Membrane questioned his name sternly. Dib knew it meant it was time to fess up or suffer the wrath of his usually placid father. Zim had a wild deer-caught-in-the-headlights look on his face, scared out of his wits, but Dib knew that this had to be done.

"Okay dad you caught me," Dib began dully and matter-of-factly. "Zim is the mother of Ima. We had sex the day your pesticide was sprayed over the city. I've been living with him for the past several months to help with the pregnancy and now we need you to keep Ima for the night so we can have some time alone."

Dib blinked.

Zim was having a heart attack.

Membrane broke out into laughter. "My son has a sense of HUMOR!"

"Alright son, I'll keep my baby for the night." Membrane cooed as Dib slipped the girl into his father's loving arms. He planted a kiss on her forehead. "You and your friend...HA HA...have a good night." Membrane winked suggestively (somehow it showed through his goggles) as the two awkwardly left the room and got back into Dib's car to leave for Zim's base.

They sat for a moment to interpret Membrane's words.

"Did he actually believe what you said, Dib-human?" Zim asked amused.

"I dunno," Dib confessed.

**-**

Dib had seen this room before. Zim had kept it immaculate the few times he'd visited, but now it was messy, a sign of Zim's indecision, anger, pain, and irrationality. Everything had changed for Zim, and not for the better. He had gotten pregnant, lost his base and his dignity when Dib found out about his banishment and then, in the end, he had been all but abandoned by Dib. Zim knew Dib had no choice and he did not want Dib living with him, but he had never been so lonely when Dib and Ima left.

So lonely and desperate for attention and touch and feeling.

Now Dib was going to pay attention to him and touch him and _make _that feeling come gushing out of him in one fantastic, climactic moment.

Zim excused the state of his room...not that he cared what Dib thought.

"Looks like mine when I'm lazy," Dib responded honestly. "So, I guess we..." Dib cleared his throat. God it would have been so easy to just fuck him earlier without having to go through this awkwardness again.

"I guess," Zim said. "If you still want to," he added cryptically, almost asking.

"Do you?"

Zim shrugged. "Zim yes or no?"

Zim sat on the bed and discarded his disguise. He squirmed with indecision and he looked up at Dib pathetically, as if asking Dib to make the decision for him. Zim really wanted to do this, only for his body's sake, but that did not mean he was entirely comfortable with the upcoming act itself, after all, the first time left him with a great deal of pain.

Pain, he remembered, through a thin gloss of pleasure.

"It will hurt?" Zim asked softly.

_Ah, it doesn't matter. The pain will be worth it. This desire hurts so much..._

"I won't hurt you," Dib answered honestly.

"Are you sure?"

A pause. "Yes, I'm one-hundred percent sure, Zim. You _weren't _concerned with this earlier, so why now?"

"Eh...I forgot." Zim sighed heavily when Dib sat next to him and put a confident hand on his thigh.

"I promise I won't hurt you, okay, and if it _does _hurt, just yell or something, and I'll stop." Dib's sudden bright smile gave Zim enough confidence to accept a small kiss. Kissing was pleasant and it didn't hurt, it only led to hurt, but Dib promised--_It would not hurt_.

"You better not be lying to me human," Zim said between kisses. Dib didn't answer, instead he helped Zim out of his clothes, again, and laid him on the bed awkwardly because of his pak.

"Oh wait," the alien said as he quickly snatched off his pak and laid it at arms reach. Dib almost yelled at his stupidity--Irkens need their paks to live!--until he saw two thin, clear flexible cables leading from the pak into Zim.

"I can still stay connected," Zim said in response to Dib's horrified expression.

"Neat."

"Get on with it."

"Sorry." Dib dove in for another kiss to shut the alien up. Zim was naked and expectant again, yet Dib was still clothed. Why was he delaying? Why was he touching him again with his fingers? By the Tallests it felt so good to have Dib slip his fingers between him, splitting him, finding one slit for one organ and another above it for...Dib discovered its mystery finally. It was nothing more than a very hidden clit, so tiny and shy that it hid until the body's bliss was enough to encourage it to peep outside its hot enclosure. Dib's fingers ran over it, wet, throbbing, and Zim quietly moaned. Everything was soaked.

Dib looked into Zim's eyes. He seemed focused, yet torn between experiencing his body and being lost in his own mind. It was the beginning of true rapture. For Dib, touching the object of his undivided attention confused him. He didn't love Zim or even like him as a friend, but there was substance between them and it allowed Dib to succumb to this moment. He slipped out of his clothes carefully. Zim watched each inch of white skin exposed until there was nothing but white.

The thing that caused Zim undue fear was pointed at his body. The crude rawness of their naked bodies suddenly scared Zim, who existed in the realm of machines and hidden reproduction, non-touch, and synthesis. His heart beat and his squeedily-spooch quivered as he watched Dib slip a box from his coat pocket. Inside were packets and inside those were the condoms, Dib explained, that would protect both of them. Dib slipped the circular object over his penis, giving it a slick new skin.

"Just relax."

And Zim obeyed. His back against the cool sheets, Zim was completely at Dib's mercy, but it was a position of his own decision..._his and his alone. _

Neither of them were completely ready for the emotional impact, but when the motions began, Dib entering Zim, both let themselves be lost in the physical rapture. Zim moaned with every thrust Dib delivered, thrusts that were hard yet gentle inside the hot slick passage.

Pain was far from what Zim was feeling. Dib's skin against his own sent chills up his spine and put more fire in his loins. The intrusive organ inside him kept moving in and out, sometimes slipping out but being pushed back in. Dib's body created a friction against his sensitive clit and made him cry out so softly that the human's pitiful hearing missed the gentle sound of pleasure. Dib could only really hear his own blood pounding in his ears.

Zim's eyes were barely open when Dib came. His body quivered and his body arched up away from Zim, who had not reached climax, yet Dib fell back into a steady rhythm when Zim's muscles squeezed him tighter and sucked him back inside to _make _him finish.

Dib pressed himself against Zim and thrust harder and harder and with one final, violent push Zim came as well and went limp instantly. There were no orgasmic screams or loving kisses to seal the experience, only a satisfied alien and a boy who did what he had to do.

* * *

tbc. 


	14. The End

AN: I would love to thank every single reviewer for giving me such nice feedback. I'd like to thank some people in particular, but I don't want to play favorites so I'll just say that you know who you are...maybe. Anyway, thanks for making my first finished Invader Zim story so memorable. It's taken forever to finish but I think it's ended well. Now, how about giving this story a few good last reviews!

Some Kind of Crazy Love Potion

"The End"

Dib had to admit that the size of his head was not as large as the sudden and completely surprising swell of pride (and ego) caused by Zim's pleasurable giggles. To take the alien down like that made Dib wonder if Zim even knew how he was acting. Probably not. Drunk on this feeling they shared, it wasn't hard to phase out everything else. Nothing felt better than to let go. It had only been a few hours earlier when they began this romp under the sheets, brought on by Zim's pleading and Dib's desire to somehow weave the boy into his life. Hell, he wanted his daughter to know her origins (strange as they were) and what a person to make that existence known! Dib imagined Zim explaining his glorious home planet to Ima as a bed-time story.

Of course, that would mean Zim had to accept his daughter. _One step at a time_, Dib told himself.

Dib leaned into Zim's hot neck to kiss and feel on his lips the vibrations of an alien's moans, soft and happy. Dib lay on top for what felt like the millionth time, yet each moment felt new again as if his body wanted to forget the pleasure so that the next experience was virginal and explosive. Was that the beginning of love? Wanting to feel something over and over and over again? Sounded to Dib like greed, but this didn't feel so greedy. He wanted Zim to enjoy this as much as he did.

"What's it like for you?" Dib asked sleepily. Zim entangled in a sheet and barely awake answered, "It feels good." Zim lay on his side and looked the human in the eye. "Why?"

Dib shrugged. Zim seemed to be a blur. His glasses were somewhere.

"Good. I..." Dib didn't know why. "I dunno. Guess I wanted more details."

"Oh." Zim frowned and blushed. He pulled the sheet up to his chin and closed his eyes.

Dib smirked. _Don't do it Dib. Pick your battles._

_You can always ask again_, he thought as he fell asleep.

"Are you going to sleep?"

Dib's eyes shot wide open. Zim was looking down at him with unfocused red eyes.

"I thought _you _were asleep. Zim it's like...whatever time in the morning. Go to sleep, you look tired as hell."

"But I'm not done yet."

"Zim you've gotta learn some control. We can't have sex twenty-four-seven." Zim looked at him dumbly. "Besides," Dib added. "I'm so tired and I don't think it would be good."

"In the morning then?" Zim asked hopefully. Dib sighed sleepily, "Yeah, just go to sleep."

_And in the morning...well...two years later but still in the morning..._

Zim was sprawled on his back, his precious and life sustaining pak on the floor. The thin cables that connected him to the machine woke him after they became tangled around his throat and foot. Yes, there was that much cable. Zim untangled himself and reattached his pak. After two years of dealing with the damned pak in such a manner, one would think Zim's superior Irken smarts could come up with a solution to the problem. Correction--_problems_--one being Zim was lazy, two being...well, dumb isn't quite the right word. Special. Dib would say special.

And third...sex was very distracting. As soon as Zim reattached his pak, the problem was done and over and his fluttery mind moved on to more pleasing thoughts and devious designs, as in: Dib is in the shower naked and slippery. That appealed to Zim very much even though the past three days had consisted of rather violent sex, very pleasurable, but nonetheless violent and bruises often were part of the package. Of course Zim was usually the recipient of the marks as he liked to take it rather than give it. The missionary style was his favorite position.

Zim wrapped himself in a robe he found on the floor and made his way to the bathroom where he could hear the shower and Dib's occasional humming. Quietly he took off of the robe (why did he even put it on?), stepped into the open shower stall, and wrapped his arms around Dib's wet body, pressing his cheek to Dib's back and sighing contentedly. Dib smiled and turned around to catch Zim in a wonderful morning kiss. The shower water moved between them, warm and soothing, slick and tasteless. Dib reached behind and turned off the water.

"You missed most of my shower Zim. I was done rinsing off." Dib and Zim both dried themselves mechanically, their eyes blind to everything but the other's body. After dressing they ate a light breakfast with Ima, whose meal consisted of a very messy cereal. She giggled at her soggy o-shaped food when she discovered she could half-way stretch a gooey piece over her fingers like edible rings.

"Ima, don't play with your food," Dib berated gently.

"But lookit," she said simply, holding up her new jewelry. Dib smiled and left her to her imagination. Zim frowned at the mess she was making but held his tongue. After Zim discovered he held a rather large amount of power over his offspring, he found that he didn't really want to use it. He didn't like being told what to do and he found it very hard to order his own flesh and blood around, especially when she was so young and just beginning to discover the pleasures of life. Besides, Dib was the one who jumped on her innocent mistakes; he had an innate sense of fatherhood that Zim did not have, a sense that he needed to develop if he was to ever have a relationship with his daughter...and Dib. That was the biggest issue between them. Ima and Zim. Zim and Ima. Stuck together by a weird twist of fate, bound together by Dib who was the glue that kept them whole.

Zim had to admit it was a situation far better than anything, anywhere, anytime, any-whatever...what would he be doing now if not for this new family? It was a family. He might be dead or a wandering, homeless ex-Invader, no purpose, no destination. At least this was something.

And something was better than nothing.

--

"I can't believe Ima is starting her first day of school," Dib remarked as he looked back at his five year old daughter in the rear view mirror. She wore a cute pink dress that was offset by her narrowed blue eyes. She did not seem happy and she glared back at her father through the mirror. Zim turned back sensing her malicious intent and reprimanded her gently not to make such faces at the students, and dare she try, the teachers. Ima fiddled with the fringes of her dress and then the bouncing blonde curls atop her head. Hidden deep in the curls were two black antennae, but the holographic image cast by a tiny chip (implanted in a secret place on her body) was so powerful that it hid them well.

"Father, I dislike this frilly uniform," she spat and promptly crossed her arms. "I wish to wear something less...girly."

"Tomorrow, sweetie. The least you can do is wear it once. Grandpa did get it for your birthday, remember? When you get home we'll burn it or bury it...like a celebration of your first day."

"Yes," she grinned, "that would be acceptable." Ima glowered at the approaching school as Dib drove to the front. Both Dib and Zim got out to see her off. Dib bent down, hugged and kissed her, wished her luck, gave her a reassuring smile. Zim sighed and looked at her woefully, as if his mind had wandered; yet, he still had enough consciousness to hug her as well, though, this hug was warmer than some in the past. Ima was used to her "mother's" seemingly cold behavior but had accepted it as a part of Zim's Irken heritage. Her "mother" had been an abandoned soldier, one who had fought and lost, one who had become pregnant unwillingly, and one who had suffered because of it. These were things taught to her openly. Secrets were not an option in this family.

Ima knew her parents loved each other in a way no human wife and husband could comprehend.

When the little disguised Irken girl was halfway inside the building, other children and adults pushing by her, she looked back and saw her parents exchange a brief kiss. She smiled for a moment before more pressing matters flooded her mind.

There were students to be conquered and a new world to explore.

--

"Could I have one more kiss?"

"One more, then I have to go."

"You're teasing me."

"I like to...okay, that was your kiss, now I've really got to go!"

"Oh please, what will happen if you're an hour late?"

"An hour?"

"Well...ten minutes, but come on!"

"Nothing will happen if I'm late. I just don't want to chance it. Don't you have to be at work too?"

"Yeah, but I want to be late. One more time, please, I won't see you for a whole day."

Dib broke down under Zim's pleading. Stolen kisses were Zim's favorite thing, especially in the morning, and he always tried to stretch it out into a heavy makeout session, very heavy foreplay (Seriously, Dib thought once, it's like hard core porn with clothing on!) or a quick one on the sofa.

Dib rolled his eyes and complied with his lover. "You _have _to go to work today Zim. You're going to get fired," Dib warned but continued to fall into the passionate moment.

"Don't care." Dib began to remove his pants until Zim snatched his hands away; _no_, he said, and simply pulled the zipper while undoing his own pants. He pulled Dib to the nearest wall, pressed himself against it, and told Dib to do him here really fast and really good. How could Dib decline? In a matter of seconds Zim was suspended, his legs wrapped around Dib, his back crushed to the fruity wallpaper, and Dib, slipping so easily inside, was like a hook on which he hung. It felt like flying.

All Dib could think of was how convenient Zim was without his pak. Didn't have to worry about walls or laying flat on the bed anymore (or the floor, or table, wherever...) Dib thrust a few more times and came, Zim following and sighing happily.

"Now I'm really late," Dib mumbled. Zim stuck his tongue out at Dib and composed himself as Dib went to the bathroom to refresh his once pristine hair and unwrinkled pants. It wasn't that bad, meaning his looks, not the sex. The sex was great. Okay, he had to admit it was more than great. Besides, it's not like his father would fire his own son, especially one whose lover has access to some of the most advanced technology earth would ever see in this century.

Dib found Zim in the kitchen with a glass of freshly poured orange juice.

"Drink your vitamins, Dib-human."

"Thanks mom."

"Ha ha." Zim sat at the table without even looking in Dib's direction. A sour look crossed his face and was made even more distasteful when Dib bent to give him a goodbye kiss.

"What's the sudden mood change?"

"Mood change. I do not mood change."

"Well for somebody who just had amazing sex you seem pretty moody to me...what's up?" he asked more seriously.

Zim set his red eyes on Dib's furiously. "Are we going to get married?"

Dib had to bite back a laugh. "Married? What are you talking about?"

"Your sister and Keef are getting married. Are we supposed to get married? It would make our relationship more...significant." Dib thought about such deep implications. "We have been together for five years, but what does that mean?"

Dib asked, "Are...are you saying that if...you think that we aren't in a valid relationship?"

"No! But aren't most people married if they have children?"

"Yeah I guess, but we aren't most people. Don't you think it would be kinda hard for us to get married. You're an alien, we're both guys, sorta, and you'd be exposed to all sorts of government crap that you really don't want to deal with."

"What government crap?"

Frustrated, Dib slid into a chair and said, "I dunno...taxes!" Dib turned to Zim sharply. "What is this really about? You know that I care about you."

"What if you got tired of me."

"I'm not going to—"

"It could happen. I need some assurance that you won't leave me."

"Zim you can never assure anything with marriage. People get married all the time, promising to stay together forever and then BAM! a few months or years later they split. I don't want to say I ever divorced _Zim_. It's easier to explain things to Ima now, rather than mess her up more than she's already going to be." Dib groaned then added. "I didn't mean that in a bad way. I love where we are and this works for us. I just don't understand why you think I'd leave—"

"I'm pregnant."

The words hit Dib hard. He mumbled a feeble, "Wh—what?" Zim sighed and put his head in his hands, as if to hide from Dib and this painful fact.

"You can't be pregnant. We...you take birth control!" Zim let his hands slide from his face so that only his eyes showed. Show they did, regret and shame. He looked at Dib sadly.

"You forgot?" Zim nodded yes.

"Oh God. Oh God." Dib got up fast and threw his arms around Zim, whose tiny form was lost in Dib's grasp. He whispered into Zim's antennae. Words of encouragement and love.

He understood. "Is that why you asked me about getting married, because you're pregnant, because you were afraid I'd leave you?"

"Yes."

"Oh Zim I'd never leave you because you're having a baby. I was so happy when Ima was born."

"I know."

"Are you happy with her now?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to have this baby?"

"I wouldn't have been afraid of you leaving me if I wasn't."

"So you're going to...we're going to have another baby?"

"If that's what you want."

"I want whatever you want."

"Well, so do I. What do you want?"

"I would love another kid."

Zim lifted his head to regard Dib. He looked smug suddenly. "On one condition though."

"That is?"

"I get to name it this time."

* * *

the end

* * *


End file.
